I must have "Cheater" on my forehead

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
I must have "Cheater" on my forehead
18
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 1:03pm

Had two lunches with man in my industry. First lunch was all business, second lunch -- f'sake! I popped a hernia from the strain of dodging all the flirtatious comments and come-ons. He's probably considered pretty subtle and cool, in the world of the non-initiated, but (man, oh, man) btdt~!! Nothing is getting by me. I know a come on when I see it and I'm not babe in the woods. I'm a babe in need of a reply! Check out this email, and pen me a response. Truth be known, if I'd not already btdt, I'd be all over this like a duck on a junebug. Oy. Thank God for small mercies!! The silver lining to my A cloud is that I at least have some warning when the A-Bomb is coming in for a landing. K-booooooom!

Here ya go! enjoy!

"Well, I'm at a bit of a loss myself.
If we're going to be totally/brutally honest here...yeah, I've got a pretty strong and inappropriate attraction going on here, but that's not entirely my fault...you're funny and cool and dark (in a good way) (I think) and smart and really beautiful and fun...so, what the hell am I supposed to do?

Harmless? Well, I dunno what that means. It's not like I plan on badgering or relentlessly pursuing you or anything. I'd leave you alone if you prefer, even.

I'm not even sure what I'm expecting here, either, but I'm greatly intrigued by you and, generally, I don't like being around most people...so....but if you need me to chill, I'll chill.

Sheesh...I don't even know what I'm saying. I'm just gonna call it a morning and have another bourbon.

er....coffee. that's it. coffee...... "

OMFG.
xoxox
Dee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 1:35pm

My question to you would be, "Why

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2009
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 2:00pm

OMFG is right on!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 2:41pm

I don't think you have "cheater" on your forehead, but what did you write to him that he felt the need to

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2009
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 2:55pm

Holy Crap Batman!

NC since October 2, 2009.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 3:27pm

Oh, yes! What did I do to cause this... mmmm. Well, y'all know me. I am, uh, 'gregarious'. I admit I am a flirt, but of the harmless, southern kind -- not the whory kind. I have been this way my whole life and have had very, very, very few men take it the wrong way. Enough, though, that a few years ago I took real stock of myself (post hit on by client) and assessed what I did to 'bring it on'. I, then, and now, admit I was overly friendly and bubbly.

I have (had) the opportunity to work on a very cool project with this man and I LIKED him as a person and wanted to incorporate him into our circle of friends/business contacts. Totally on a legitimate level, honest. I treated him like a friend-to-be, except that it seemed his nature was just very outgoing and flirty - not unusual for the entertainment business.

He's one of those clueless guys. Throwing sh*t and seeing what sticks on the walls. I was going to post the thread of emails, but editing for the sake of anonymity made them impossible to follow or understand. Basically, I said:

"Oy, I'm really risking embarrassment here, but I have to tell you, I was uncomfortable at lunch and pretty nonplussed with your email. Am I getting you wrong? You're harmless.... riiiight? I'm having another bourbon and going to bed. Thanks again for the lunch and I'm looking forward to hearing about (the project) when you have some serious news to share. Cheers, X"

I'm bummed because I think it's gone beyond the point of repair. Not only will I NOT be friends with this man, but now I don't/won't/can't even have the opportunity to work on the project I wanted.
I'll get over it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2007
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 7:14pm

i don't think you have cheater on your forehead. However I think you may be sending the wrong message (flirty, body language). For a man to

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 7:47pm

This is very good advice. I'm not flirty at work. But I have a very wide circle of work-related and social groups, and they tend to overlap A LOT. I'm gregarious at work but always very professional and I think I'm perceived as very professional and confident by everyone who works with me -- most of whom work FOR me, as I have only one person above me, my boss.

With this man, and in this situation, I was flirty. however, I thought I was making it clearer than I was that I was not fishing for anything and did not welcome a pass. I was foolish to be so outgoing and expect him to get that I was not interested in more than banter and such. I do not blame him in the least for his response. And I should take a serious step back to figure out what I will do differently in the future. I read him wrong; he read me wrong.

You're never too old to learn!

Thanks!
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2007
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 8:06pm

I get you well Dee. I have a similar personality - very outgoing and friendly. I see it's hard for you cause your work and social circles overlap - I'm lucky I have only one coworker I see outside work - the rest are kept at a distance.


Yup, never too old to learn - it's a continual thing in life :) i learned today to make sure my shirt

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 8:24pm
Bwahahahahaha! I really needed that laugh (sorry, it's at your expense!) ahahaha, not really. I needed it.
xo
Dee
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Fri, 02-12-2010 - 4:02am

Hi Dee,

I will post more tomorrow (real tired now and heading off to bed) but something that stood out if that you wrote, "Thanks again for the lunch and ..." I am assuming he paid for lunch? Well, if he did, then that is totally inappropriate. KWIM? I believe (esp. in dating but this can apply to outside of dating too) that if a man pays its an indication of interest from the man and woman. Therefore, to not send wrong vibes, I always pay for myself (even as friends, coworkers etc...) just mindful of that.

I'll reply more tomorrow

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"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

NC since Dec. 9th 2009

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