I must have "Cheater" on my forehead
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| Thu, 02-11-2010 - 1:03pm |
Had two lunches with man in my industry. First lunch was all business, second lunch -- f'sake! I popped a hernia from the strain of dodging all the flirtatious comments and come-ons. He's probably considered pretty subtle and cool, in the world of the non-initiated, but (man, oh, man) btdt~!! Nothing is getting by me. I know a come on when I see it and I'm not babe in the woods. I'm a babe in need of a reply! Check out this email, and pen me a response. Truth be known, if I'd not already btdt, I'd be all over this like a duck on a junebug. Oy. Thank God for small mercies!! The silver lining to my A cloud is that I at least have some warning when the A-Bomb is coming in for a landing. K-booooooom!
Here ya go! enjoy!
"Well, I'm at a bit of a loss myself.
If we're going to be totally/brutally honest here...yeah, I've got a pretty strong and inappropriate attraction going on here, but that's not entirely my fault...you're funny and cool and dark (in a good way) (I think) and smart and really beautiful and fun...so, what the hell am I supposed to do?
Harmless? Well, I dunno what that means. It's not like I plan on badgering or relentlessly pursuing you or anything. I'd leave you alone if you prefer, even.
I'm not even sure what I'm expecting here, either, but I'm greatly intrigued by you and, generally, I don't like being around most people...so....but if you need me to chill, I'll chill.
Sheesh...I don't even know what I'm saying. I'm just gonna call it a morning and have another bourbon.
er....coffee. that's it. coffee...... "
OMFG.
xoxox
Dee

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It's fine for most
BB,
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Excellent point. Seems like the need for attention and validation is the #1 weakness on this board.
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~Iddy~
Oh, we're covering a lot of ground here! cool!
I will respond to ALL for the last few post, instead of doing it individually; I hope that is ok.
RE: who pays. I agree that if a man buys for a woman it _can_ set up expectations in his mind, but it's all situational. It's very complicated! In my case, and in my business culture (which, reminding you, crosses over socially quite a bit), one pays (expense reports!) and then the other pays the next time. We are always giving and asking for favors, too: tickets, shows, introductions and such. Give and take. I never go out alone with men at night, so I don't have to worry about dinner situations, but in group situations - work oriented - usually whoever is 'senior' pays, as in, who has the biggest expense budget. ha. I never let a man pay for my drinks, though, ever. Even though I'm in the music industry, I also _never_ dance at functions unless it's with my husband, and even then, I keep it G rated!
Re: flirting. The definition of the word is very subjective. I guide my behavior with everyone, especially men, like this: "If I were saying this, doing this, in front of my H, would he be OK with it or upset?" My 70 year old mother is a flirt, too. She'll tell the bagboy at the store, "Honey, you smell good!" and then tease the checker that she should smell the bagboy! Not everybody is comfortable being that silly or outgoing, but I am and it's natural for me. Some people get it, some people don't. I don't get offended if a man hits on me and I'm not playing "dumb" as to why they would. I usually don't have a problem making the situation come to a screeching halt with a single, funny, "don't even go there" comment. Usually... sometimes I have to be more stern, as in the current situation I posted about.
Friends with men: 50% of my best friends are men (who I don't sleep with) and although half of those are gay, the other have are healthy, straight and hot. Never had and never will have a problem with them coming on to me. They've been around for YEARS. All my life, I've been the big sister, little sister, confidant, wingman and buddy to guys. I LOVE men as friends, often because women can chap the cr@p out of me with their backbiting and over-sensitivity and men just seem to be soooo much easier to hang with.
The need for validation and ego stroking: Yep. Me. Vulnerable. Better to be aware of it than deny it and have it sneak up on me.
I, however, am NOT flattered when a man who knows I'm married hits hard on me. It's not a compliment; it's an INSULT. But, now that I've been through my own A experiences, I am less offended than I am feeling they are pathetic and sorry. Mmmmm... pathetic and sorry.. soooooo sexy, no? Also, I couldn't take it as a compliment because I don't take it personally. I think those men would hit on anything and everything just hoping some of the sh*t they're trowing will stick.
Oooph. I think I'd better get back to work. Besides, I feel like I'm hogging up the board!
xoxo
Dee
o beautiful gregarious Dee,
So you tell him you were uncomfortable (nice job btw!) and he pours it on with even more flirting and compliments?? And he tells you he'll chill IF you want him to? He sounds a little dangerous so be very careful. I think he will just keep tempting and tempting you! I can't tell you how many times I resisted my xAP until I was sucked into the A. And for some guys, the more you resist, the more they pursue.
It is too bad we can't just be friends with people who we'd really like to JUST be friends with.
Be careful!!
live
LS2009-
Nah, this dude is off the radar now. He is not friend material and I'm not interested in an A. Gee. um. NO. NO!!! NOT interested in an A!!
I don't/didn't ever appreciate the hard sell, anyway. My xAP and I had to sneak up on each other for _months_! ha! playing that game of "oh, no. we _mustn't." and emailing like idiots for 8 months before we even had lunch (and then nearly fainting with a tiny hug saying g'bye.) Playas turn me off big time!
Good advice for all though... Don't tempt the Devil!!
xoxo
D
Dee
This discussion all comes at a great time for me - especially about who pays. It just so
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