I need advice, Please!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
I need advice, Please!
1
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 6:11pm
This may not be the right place to post this, but I thought maybe someone in here could give me some advice on this. First, I will give you the history of my relationship with a MM, then I will tell you what I am going through right now.

I met MM at work. We were immediately attracted to each other. He was unhappy in his relationship with his wife and we ended up having sex. I was devastated and very hurt about what I had done. We became friends and did not do it again until 9 months later. We ended up starting a long affair together of seeing each other before and after work almost everday. He is the most wonderful man I have ever met. He is everything I have ever wanted and more, except married. We started all of this in the year 2000. He now lives with me and his wife and son moved to Illinois, and they are split up. He has been living with me for a year now and things with us could not be better. We love each other more than I have ever loved anyone or felt anyone love me before. He is gentle, kind, warm, and loving. We are together 24/7. If I go somewhere, he wants to go and I want him there.. and vice versa.

Here is where the problem for me lies. He is STILL married to her and she STILL does not know about me, even though he is living with me. He has a son who is 5 years old and he tells me that he is afraid to divorce her because he is afraid she will not let him see his son as much as he wants to. He also sends her $600 every two weeks for child support and gives nothing to the economic maintenance of our home. I pay for everything. Now, she works and makes pretty good money herself. She calls the other day and asks him to pay her satellite bill. I get pissed, because he sends her $1200 a month for child support and then she has the nerve to ask him for more money. She is soooo totally using him, but he will not get a divorce. He talks about it, but I told him I dont want to hear it anymore, show me the papers.

Now, they are not having sex or together at all, and I do believe that. He goes and sees his son on our days off. He goes for two weeks then the third week he stays home. He just does not seem to be putting my feelings into consideration. I heard him tell her that he loved her when he hung up the phone from talking to her. I talked to him today and he said he did laundry, vacuumed, and did dishes... AT HER HOUSE!! It hurts me soooo bad that I can barely stand it anymore. I have talked to him once before and said that he has 3 choices: divorce her, move out of my place and get his own, or move back to her. He says that he will never go back to her. That he does not want to be with her anymore and he loves me and not her.

Am I just fooling myself?? I dont know what to do about it anymore. I am sick of getting upset and crying when he hurts my feelings. I know I need to just sit him down and say .. Look you are hurting me and this is what it is going to be!! Either divorce her or leave me... there is nothing in the middle. I think he would just leave it like this for the rest of his life sometimes.... Can anyone help me with this situation??

Thanks so much,

Tammy in Indiana

Tammy

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 8:20pm
HI Tam

It's time for him to sh*t or get off the pot, he will have his cake and it it to if you let him, Girl your ownly young once don't let him waste them good years.