Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
I just wanted to let you know that I can feel your pain. I remember when insights into myself used to be as horrifying as they were painful. But now, I look forward to seeing my T as much as I do an appointment with my massage therapist. Sometimes the massage hurts, because it's therapy, and sometimes the muscles are worse the next day for it, but soon after the pain subsides and I feel great. Not such a fantastic metaphor, but the point is ... Therapy will give you insights that will change your life, in my experience ALWAYS for the better.
Like E1 said, its growing pains. How fortunate we are to have the opportunity to outgrow those crutches and learn to walk again.
It does pass, you will be ok without him, and you are definitely worth the struggle. Empowerment's post is on point. My experience is having to do the work, and the work involves the past and present. It involves a whole lot of pain. It involves more bad days than good in the beginning. I am sorry you are hurting today. I truly am. Hang in there. For me, I just had to burn (go thru the pain). I had to just go thru it. It hurt like hell and still does some days, but I manage it. I try to redirect thoughts and go on about my day. Time is the true healer....NC really does work. It has been tough for me too. Not sure why I have done so well. I too have abandonment issues that stem from my childhood. I also have major validation issues that I am working on. I always felt the need to be "liked" by everyone. N i would hurt myself in the process. Just so people would like me, value me, appreciate me....I could go on and on.
Like you, I have wanted the exAP to make it all better...but he won't, not really anyway. I have to make me better. The affairs are only part of the struggle. We often find that we have to face ourselves in all this. I mean really do some major self-awareness work.
I hope the T helps you work thru things and stay here, we will all be here to support you.
The good news dignity, is that you are starting to see "YOU" in all of this. Consider it to be the beginning of your "real" journey. It takes a lot of courage to face your own demons and you're doing it! Give yourself a BIG pat on the back for that because it is very difficult thing to do.
I know exactly how you feel and could have written that post myself. The one thing I discovered is that the unresolved issues we carry around within us set the stage for how our life plays out. "We" are the writers and directors in our life and "we" have the power to change the script. And the best way to accomplish it is by looking at and understanding what caused these issues in the first place. Once you do, you begin to feel better and the script begins to automatically change because you are looking at things differently. Our frame of reference in how we view the world is coming from the inside and that is how the script plays out. Do see my point?
Yes it hurts right now, but you will get through it. Look at the pain as an opportunity...an opportunity to sort through your emotions and discover who you really are and what it is that YOU want.
Hang in there dignity. You are doing great! I recommend printing out empowerment's post to keep handy when you feel like the pain is too much. Read it 100 times a day if you have to!
"3. I have not hopped over to the betrayed spouses board to I could emotionally flog myself by reading about how terribly I hurt anyone."
Major major no no. When you are in this much pain, going over there is like asking to have knife pierced through your heart. Don't do it! The only flogging you need to keep you straight is right here in this forum. That's an order! :)
Hi Dignity,
You wrote:
<
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Yah, what E1 said. There's not much more I can add to her great post, except to say... I feel you, Baby. Hang in there.
xoxox
Dee
Hi,
I just wanted to let you know that I can feel your pain. I remember
when insights into myself used to be as horrifying as they were painful. But now, I look forward to seeing my T as much as I do an appointment with my massage therapist. Sometimes the massage hurts, because it's therapy, and sometimes the muscles are worse the next day for it, but soon after the pain subsides and I feel great. Not such a fantastic metaphor, but the point is ... Therapy will give you insights that will change your life, in my experience ALWAYS for the better.
Like E1 said, its growing pains. How fortunate we are to have the opportunity to outgrow those crutches and learn to walk again.
A huge, long hug to you,
j.
It does pass, you will be ok without him, and you are definitely worth the struggle. Empowerment's post is on point.
My experience is having to do the work, and the work involves the past and present. It involves a whole lot of pain. It involves more bad days than good in the beginning. I am sorry you are hurting today. I truly am. Hang in there. For me, I just had to burn (go thru the pain). I had to just go thru it. It hurt like hell and still does some days, but I manage it. I try to redirect thoughts and go on about my day. Time is the true healer....NC really does work. It has been tough for me too. Not sure why I have done so well. I too have abandonment issues that stem from my childhood. I also have major validation issues that I am working on. I always felt the need to be "liked" by everyone. N i would hurt myself in the process. Just so people would like me, value me, appreciate me....I could go on and on.
Like you, I have wanted the exAP to make it all better...but he won't, not really anyway. I have to make me better. The affairs are only part of the struggle. We often find that we have to face ourselves in all this. I mean really do some major self-awareness work.
I hope the T helps you work thru things and stay here, we will all be here to support you.
HUGS...big, strong ones...
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Awww...huge (((HUG))) for you dignity.
The good news dignity, is that you are starting to see "YOU" in all of this. Consider it to be the beginning of your "real" journey. It takes a lot of courage to face your own demons and you're doing it! Give yourself a BIG pat on the back for that because it is very difficult thing to do.
I know exactly how you feel and could have written that post myself. The one thing I discovered is that the unresolved issues we carry around within us set the stage for how our life plays out. "We" are the writers and directors in our life and "we" have the power to change the script. And the best way to accomplish it is by looking at and understanding what caused these issues in the first place. Once you do, you begin to feel better and the script begins to automatically change because you are looking at things differently. Our frame of reference in how we view the world is coming from the inside and that is how the script plays out. Do see my point?
Yes it hurts right now, but you will get through it. Look at the pain as an opportunity...an opportunity to sort through your emotions and discover who you really are and what it is that YOU want.
Hang in there dignity. You are doing great! I recommend printing out empowerment's post to keep handy when you feel like the pain is too much. Read it 100 times a day if you have to!
Dignity~
The previous posters offered some great support but I'm going to address your last paragraph:
<
~Iddy~
Thanks E1 and happy birthday too.
Every day is a struggle but Ihad moments of being ok today.
NC since 2/4/2010
ANd thank you all.
NC since 2/4/2010
As usual Iddy, you nailed the true kernal of what was tearing me up.
NC since 2/4/2010
"3. I have not hopped over to the betrayed spouses board to I could emotionally flog myself by reading about how terribly I hurt anyone."
Major major no no. When you are in this much pain, going over there is like asking to have knife pierced through your heart. Don't do it! The only flogging you need to keep you straight is right here in this forum. That's an order! :)