I need to be whipped I think

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2011
I need to be whipped I think
8
Thu, 02-17-2011 - 5:32pm
Ok I wrote that whole long post and actually felt good then the phone rings and it's a friend of mine who if xaps neighbor... I'm going to say right now that I know how irrational it is but at this stage of the game it doesn't matter.... His wife is a big girl really big and honestly I've always liked it that way I know how superficial that is but there you have it anyway my friend just saw them and shes lost a whole bunch and I want to crawl the walls bad... I shouldn't care it shouldn't matter but it does somebody help me this irrational thought is hurting me....and yes I told friend not to tell me things anymore
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Thu, 02-17-2011 - 5:42pm
Breathe through it. Do not break NC. Stay the course. It is going to hurt for a while and you will have all kinds of irrational thoughts as you "detox." It is normal. But please don't set yourself back by getting into any kind of contact with xap. It will only hurt you and set you back on this road to recovery.
Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Thu, 02-17-2011 - 5:48pm

Happy -

I'm glad you told your friend not to tell you things anymore. You need to repeat this over and over right now as your mantra "It doesn't matter". His W could look like Heidi freaking Klum - it doesn't matter. This is about YOU. No contact. It doesn't matter. Got it??

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Thu, 02-17-2011 - 6:06pm

Happy,

Remember focus on YOU.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2011
Thu, 02-17-2011 - 6:18pm
I know I dont want to be bothered by it but her looking good and them all happy makes me crazy
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Thu, 02-17-2011 - 6:39pm
Looking for Happy ... you are looking in all the wrong places.

YOU can make different choices about what you choose to think about. YOU are not a hostage to your thoughts. Use distraction, re-framing, movement ... but stop allowing yourself to be bothered by the coming & goings of a man that was never yours.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2011
Thu, 02-17-2011 - 6:56pm

LFH - Your pain comes through your posts and I was there not long ago.

My xAP went back to his GF less than a week (now i can't remember) after we "broke up" and told me "Don't screw it up."

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2011
Thu, 02-17-2011 - 7:13pm
I did tons of reading in the hl that's how I got here.. How long does it take before you stop driving yourself crazy over this stuff? I know my choice but no way did everyone just turn it off that easy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2011
Thu, 02-17-2011 - 7:57pm

LFH - No, it is NOT easy in any shape or form, and i doubt any one of us here was able to turn it off - I certainly didn't and still can't completely.

It takes focus and work - there's an excellent article in the HL about stopping obsessive thinking - I had to yell "STOP" when I was alone in the car and found myself thinking irrational thoughts of xAP.

Everyone's experience is different so I can only speak for my own - for me, it was about a week and a half to two weeks of NC that I started to feel sane and stopped obsessing.