I need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2011
I need help
6
Fri, 02-04-2011 - 3:12am

I have been in an afair for 18 months.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Fri, 02-04-2011 - 3:54am
Wow there is so much I want to say here but there are other EASers who will say it much better than I could,
For now though, all I can say is that you are in pain and I feel for you. Your AP sounds like everyone else's here- I hate to break it to u but he ain't anything special honey . He is not treating you right as he is too busy treating his W right - AS HE SHOULD!!! You need to work out what you are doing and I think you know what that is!!! This board is for people committed to ending and I think you will be told this in the next posts!!!
much strength and hugs
Iggyxx
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
Fri, 02-04-2011 - 4:15am

Welcome to EAS.

Onward and upward.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Fri, 02-04-2011 - 6:22am

SAL,

I'd like to welcome you to endings, but first there are some things you will need to do for yourself before we can fully open our arms up to you. This board is for those who have ended their affairs, and

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2011
Fri, 02-04-2011 - 11:16am

Thanks for all the replies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Fri, 02-04-2011 - 12:21pm
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Being in an A is selfish. Thinking about what you need (outside of an A) is not being selfish at all. You would be putting your focus back on YOU, and that is the message we try to get across to all new enders. Your Ending journey *is* all about you and your healing. If you haven't had contact in 5 days, you are off to a good start. Now block and walk, honey. Take the steps necessary to sever all contact.

Also, affairs do not teach people poor communication skills. They teach people how to lie and deceive through their actions. It's poor communication skills that land a M person into having an A because obviously they didn't know how to talk to their significant other (SO) about their needs and concerns, or just thought it would easier to sweep their marital/personal issues under the rug and go find someone else to dump on.

JMHO,

((Hugs))
Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
Fri, 02-04-2011 - 2:01pm

SAL,

Hello and welcome! First off, ((BIG HUGS!)). I hope that you stick around and read, read, read! By the sounds of it you've had 5 days of NC (that is, no contact). I understand that you work with him? If that's the case, then read all you can in the library about LC (low contact) when you work wiht xAP. Now, what I really hope you do is - block and walk. Don't hang yourself in limbo with the 'we haven't spoken in 5 days'; while it's a good start, it's not enough - you have to make the decision, take back your power and decide for yourself that it.is.over. That you deserve more; because you do! That is, block every means that he can use to contact you. Block his number, his personal email (I can undersand if you can't block his work email, for work things, etc), and the like. This will give you the freedom to heal without wondering 'will he call? when will he call? What will I do?', that takes up so much energy - energy you need to use to focus on *you*! Now, I don't know how to deal with working with an xAP, because that wasn't my sitch, but I do know about being the S AP. I am (or rather, at the time was) single, never married, and was with an MM xAP for about 6 months and then there was 5 months of 'trying to be friends' (ha!). That's also something you'll learn around here - you cannot, ever, ever be friends. It just keeps the door open; trust me, I've been there and so have many others, I'm sure.

----
'It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
We have come to our real work,
And that when we no longer know which way to go,
We have begun our real journey'
- Wendell Berry