I need HELP, dont know what to do!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
I need HELP, dont know what to do!
1
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 12:37pm
Ihad an affair last year that lasted almost a year. I ended it by leaving my job and we never had closure. I simply left my job after the holidays and never got a chance to say anything at all. I dont know what kind of pull he has on me or the affair itself. It wasnt all about SEX it was an emotional connection and understanding we had. We were so good for eachother but met at the wrong time in our lives. We were only intimate 4 times in the whole time. The problem is that I know he feels the same for me as I do. I know that there is no point in even calling him because it will just make us feel worse and open a door that we are both trying to close. He is married and has family as do I. The affair was new to both of us. We met at time that we were both just emotionally disconnected with our spouses and we comforted eachother and ended up having an affair. It was an easy affair because we would just either go to lunch together or see eachother maybe an hour after work. We never made excuses to see eachother on the weekends or get aways like that so our spouses never suspected as far as we know. The problem is that now I feel guilty. I was always one to be so against affairs. I care so much about my relationship with God that I dont think I can carry this to my death like we agreed. I feel this guilt that I want to tell my husband I want to tell his wife and yet it will just ruin so many lives like our childrens. On the other hand I want to call him and tell him I love him and that I wish we could just continue the relationship. Maybe the honesty confession is out of anger that he has not called me either. I dont know what to do. I know there is no point in even thinking of him anymore and just be happy with memories we did have. His wife is a friend of mine and we talk almost every week, this is why I have this guilt trip now. What do I do? TIA

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 12:50pm
I know how you feel. My 5 month affair ended about 1 1/2 months ago. From the very beginning we both agreed not to get emotional, but without telling the other one, we both did and we both know it. We are both married and neither wanted to leave our spouses, It was just such a strong attraction between the two of us. It was very intense and passionate and we talked about everything. He is the one that ended it, he said he couldn't eat, couldn't sleep and was becoming very short with his wife, his kids, and his troops at work. He is in law enforcement and works at my place of employment on his regular days off. He wanted us to remain friends. At first it was awkward, but now I am wondering if he wants to start the affair again. He has started looking at me the way he used to and making little comments to me. I want to even though I know it is so wrong, but there was so much passion and lust, I do miss that. I miss him calling me when my husband was out of town and we would talk for hours on end. I miss everything about him. It is killing me inside to see him and not be able to touch him. I think one of these days we will wind up in the affair again, I sense it from him and I want to tell him so bad just how much I want him.

I must be crazy because I know it is wrong.

If you feel the need to talk to someon about it, it will help. Just don't tell your husband or his wife, that would cause too many problems.

I thought about confessing to my husban, but then backed out because I didn't want to end our 20 yr marriage.

Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!