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| Fri, 05-14-2010 - 12:11pm |
Hello All-
I need your help ladies. I am in a bad place today. In terms of my healing from the A, that is going well. I am 106 days NC today and feeling very strong. However, as many of you know, I have a DH. He has been super during this recovery. He experienced 3 DDays and is still here by my side fighting for us. We truly have been getting along better than ever and I have been so happy.
Well, today he dropped a bomb on me. Here's a little back story. In November, we were living separately. There was a big end of the season party for one of my organizations. I didn't expect him to show up, but he did. He was very friendly. We chatted for a bit and then went our separate ways. Long story short, he ended up drinking too much, confronting me and getting arrested, resulting in a Public Intox charge and a night in jail.
I haven't thought about that night much since we reconciled. I'd like to forget the rage in his eyes and his irrational behavior, but today, he found out that it might prevent him from getting into the program he wants to go into at school and he said this to me: I need to tell you that I am fighting feelings of anger toward you because you made choices and behaved in a way that messed up my life and drove me to lose control and now I

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Hi Gang-
Thanks again for all of your very thoughtful responses. And I am sorry for my lapse in posting. I have been away from the board for a couple days battling a respiratory infection. I did want to give you an update on my situation. I took the advice of many of you here and I composed a letter to my H. He does not like to communicate via letter, but he does encourage me to write them and then read them to him- this helps me stay on track and get it all out without being swept away or overwhelmed by my emotions. So here is what I wrote and read to him:
I am glad you told me your feelings and didn’t lash out or attack me. It caused a lot of emotion to stir up in me, so I had to take some time to sit back and digest all of that. However, it really does feel like we are on the same team and we can work through this if we stick together.
Here’s what I am grappling with:
On the one hand, I am more regretful than you could ever know for what I’ve done to us. It consumes my thoughts almost every minute of every day.
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
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