I need a hug

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
I need a hug
13
Fri, 12-10-2010 - 8:19pm

I wasn't going to post this out of respect for the newest newbies, but then thought there might be others like me (8 weeks out) who might be feeling the same way, too. Plus, I thought, maybe this is normal part of the healing cycle?? Insight by those further long is greatly appreciated.

I am struggling today. I am missing him to the point that I have an ache in my heart. I have not felt like this in probably 5 weeks. I really, really thought I was doing great as far as he goes. I thought I had already nailed down my issues and because of that, I thought I would no longer "need" xAP.

I am feeling blue this week. Part of the reason is that one of our

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
In reply to: alwayst2
Sat, 12-11-2010 - 2:54pm

Alwayst2, big hugs to you:) I am happy to hear you are feeling much better today and I had such a good feeling of warmth and happiness to hear of your plans for the day and cuddling with your H at the end of the day:) I am sorry to hear the loss of your friend,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
In reply to: alwayst2
Sun, 12-12-2010 - 9:12pm

(((((alwayst2))))))

My therapist told me that when we experience a loss, it jiggles all our other losses.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010
In reply to: alwayst2
Mon, 12-13-2010 - 12:17am

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

Always, i'm sorry i haven't chimed in of late, RL has been hectic to say the least. I also wanted to extend my condolences for the loss of your friend (((hugs)))).

You start off your post with apologising to the newbies for sharing your moments of weaknesses, but i can assure you that us newbies like keeping it real, because that is the essence of this board isn't it? So thank you. Always, you are a wise, logical and strong woman, however you are also human and mortal, so please write what you feel, and don't refrain from doing so, however strong we are we are not made up of hardware, there is no way to completely erase the 'illusional' way we felt for that period of time in our lives, unless we kill those brain cells in our heads, but how do we do that? LOL

Yes our A's were indeed a form of 'escapism', a 'fantasy' that we created in our heads, where we 'embellished' our XAPs and their treatment of us, and yes we did all this because it felt amazing, and it was easier to be in fantasy land rather than deal with RL. I feel that the majority of the people on this board used their A as a means to escape from their RL, whether from a bad RL relationship, challenges brought upon by RL, or personal issues that have resulted from RL. A's were by far the easy way out.

With all the marital and personal challenges that you are dealing with at the moment, it makes sense that you would want to drift off into fantasy land, so don't beat yourself up for thinking in that manner, you are knowledgable enough to realise that it is escapism and that is all it is, nothing more nothing less.

Keep writing to us Always.

V888

xxxoooxx

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