I need to let go of him!!!
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| Thu, 01-21-2010 - 5:05pm |
Was a big day for me, got my recognition/accomplishment today. Xap was not there, thank goodness, but we broke NC to discuss it and within a day or two, Im on that roller coaster again. We texted back and forth and I just got sick of the cat and mouse of the A and told him I was done. Too much drama, agony and BS for me to keep going. So I start all this over again.
Im sure he will try and contact me next week or email me this weekend but maybe I needed to get angry in order to do this. Its hard enough with loving feelings towards him but add in some anger and it seems like I am doing the right thing. Atleast for right now it does.
I ask myself if he is someone that I would ever marry. Sometimes I think yes, then other times no. Thats even a roller coaster. I have to keep reminding myself that he comes with more drama than a bus load of cheerleaders (no offense to any cheerleaders on here), he drinks too much, cheated twice before me and couldnt make up his mind about dinner let alone major life decisions. But there was love there and I did care for him. He knew today was huge for me yet he couldnt respect me enough to NOT bring drama into this day.
Im rambling but I needed to vent and I need to know that Im on the right track. Not sure my marriage will make it but thats not a reason to hold on to XAP. Help me with some reality please!!!!!! I need to be put back on track and you wonderful people are the only ones that can help me do it!
TIA,
GMLB

"More drama than a busload of cheerleaders"...Well, at least you still have your sense of humor ;)
OK...so you learned the lesson MANY of us here have learned the hard way...broke NC and reaped the "reward" LOL! You've made progress in that you see all it brought was drama and that darn cat/mouse feeling.
I know you are doing the right thing. As hard as it is you are.
Not sure my marriage will make it but thats not a reason to hold on to XAP; i know this feeling. H and I are seperated but we are the best of friends. But just b/c we're apart doesnt make xap any better for me.
i broke NC w/ xap about 3.5 wks ago and fell back into that same mindset almost right away. It was so horrible and I was so angry with myself but now I know what happens and how I will feel if it's broken again. I dont want to go there again.
Hang in there. You are on the right track