i need some advice ...... ???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
i need some advice ...... ???
7
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 11:40am

hello all,

i am still angry and upset at OW till now

i want to talk to her again and tell her more things she did to me and how she lied to me and all that crap

my question is ...... should i still tell her, i guess i want to hurt her feelings, i think this is not healthy, but i have this urge to tell her one more time

max

i have a blind date tonite after work !! ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2005
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 12:00pm
If you find satisfaction in talking to a wall, then by all means go talk to her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 12:12pm

Max,

I totally know how you feel. But have you considered all the scenarios?

What if she adds more stinging comments that will only further hurt your feelings and bring you down?

OR, (and this happened to me) what if she tells you she's sorry, jumps into your arms and promises to work things out...then dumps you again two weeks later. Hmmm...then you're back to square one with your recovery and lost some of the control you have over your emotions and responses.

Write all your thoughts down, long hand so it feels like a physical act. Then read them aloud to "her" (a pillow, your cat, yourself in the mirror, her picture.) Yell, rant, rave and let "her" have it, then throw the paper away.

Don't give her one more ounce of your emotional energy. She's drained you enough.

Then, go out on your date and enjoy the food, wine and company. You're a single, successful guy! Go live like one!

~Shel

Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 12:28pm

i say let it go for now. If the feeling persists, reconsider.

congratluations on the date. i can't wait to hear ALL about it.

:) :)

jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 12:30pm

Don't bother talking to her anymore. It is a lost cause and you won't gain anything from it. After the fact you will look back and see that it wasn't worth it. Don't expose yourself to more suffering.

I hope you have fun tonight! :-)

Lub

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2004
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 12:43pm
Hi there Max,
I totally agree w/ everyones comments about the subject. I spent alot of time running everything I wanted to say and be said to him over in my head a million times. And when I got my chance I really only hit the tip of the iceburg w/ him. I realized after the fact that it didn't matter what I said anyways. He would not change, he would not ever see my point of view, and it didn't matter anymore anyways. He was not my friend. I have found that people just want to talk everything out and KNOW everything about every scenario. We want to talk to validate ourselves, our egos, and feel that the other person HEARS exactly what we have to say. Have you seen the movie "Closer"? I really loved this movie (an affair movie no less) because it totally showed how people's desire and need to know IT ALL truly screws up a lot of relationships. I think you know how you feel and she knows how you feel deep down inside and you just have to keep on keepin on and let her go.
Good luck on the date!
~nuttmeg
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 4:51pm

hello all,

well i could not resist myself, i talked to OW, it was actually a friendly talk, no i did not tell her how i felt anymore, i just told her that we need to help each other, stay away from each other, we both agreed, i told her no more talk after this

i was actually feeling sad that it has come to this point, i dont know how happiness or what i thought was happiness can turn into this, i guess all the lies turn us into this, i regret being in a affair with her, we used to be friends, very good friends and now i will lose her as friend as well, i look at her differently now, i could not explain the feeling, its part anger and sadness at the same time

anyways , time to move on, my life will never be the same at all, i hope to learn from this experience, i am still struggling right now but i know in the end i will be able to survive this and be able to be happy again

thank u all for your insights, sometimes im stubborn also, as well as OW, my plate is now empty and its time to fill it up again, i dont know where to start but at least i think i know where i am now

im sitting in my office and typing this post and i am looking for some kind of emotions, i want to cry but i cannot anymore, my palms are a bit sweaty but not as bad, i have none of that gut wrenching feeling anymore, actually im stuff from lunch, i wanted to go home and cry but what it the point, i just buried someone i cared for very much

thank u all with all my heart,
max

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 7:10pm

Max

Once you bury your dead it's time to get about the job of living your life, you seem to have handled things well so now is the time to walk away from it all and live the one life you have been given.

Go out on that date and RELAX just have a good time be the nice funny guy that you are.

Free