I need to state my intention here

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2008
I need to state my intention here
19
Mon, 06-06-2011 - 7:52am

This is my upteenth time starting NC as of last friday and every time I have broken it because I was bored/horny/sad/lonely/needing his approval etc. I am determined to make it stick this time.

I am lucky that we were genuinely friends and he has promised to respect my wishes for NC and I know he will. He had a DDayand if she ever knew he talked to me even once in the past two years their marriage would be over. I could not bear to be responsible for that happening. And my marriage has also grown and deepened. I need to find my feel goods at home now. It is time to close this chapter for good.

So I need to sit with whatever uncomfortable feelings come up between 8:30 til 4:30PM (only talk during

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Mon, 06-06-2011 - 8:12am
Sounds like a good plan. Welcome. If you want more responses, you may want to share your story. Either way, welcome back....

It's sounds like you are completely aware of what needs to happen. Get to it and this board will be here to support you. Look forward to ur update.
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2011
Mon, 06-06-2011 - 8:54am

Songs.. Welcome to the board again... Feel free to share your story today if you wish..alittle about me I am a MW that is approx one month out of a 6 month A with a MM. I found the best way to really do NC contact for me is to just do it and not think about it. I plan any activity that I can to keep myself busy and don't look back. I had a weak point last night and started to cry but no matter what I feel I WILL NOT contact him. I dont like to count the hours days etc.. because I feel that is giving the A to much attention. It drained me and anytime I give it even a hint of attention I can feel that draining feeling coming back. I look forward to hearing from you on here to see how your holding up. I wish I could tell you it will be easy but I can't. You are going to have to be STRONG but I know that if I can do it that you can :)

LGO

Regret for wasted time is more wasted time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Mon, 06-06-2011 - 9:09am

Songs- It does help to know more of your story so that we can give more insight into the situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Mon, 06-06-2011 - 9:10am

Songs,

Welcome to EAS!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Mon, 06-06-2011 - 10:34am
Songs,

Welcome to EAS and to the sub-group known as the "umpeenth time I've tried to commit to NC". The club membership isn't so exclusive I'm afraid, many members here, but there is a significant benefit - There's no good way to count past umpteen so this time it's really has to be for good. :-)

I look forward to your post at 4:30.

MPV

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2009
Mon, 06-06-2011 - 10:48am

Here is my advice - for what its worth (I'm only NEARLY 4 weeks NC)...

Every time you miss him, need him, hate him, what to cry, screem - or just feeling plain bored -

Every recovery is a kind of rebirth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2008
Mon, 06-06-2011 - 3:25pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2008
Mon, 06-06-2011 - 4:37pm

Thank you to everyone for their empowering thoughts. I made it to the end of the day!!!

WGO . . . I am very thankful that my xAP left although it was one of the worst times in my life. My brillant sales success plummeted to the ground when I was now partnered with a "dud". I am still working in the branch where we would kiss, hug, talk, etc. so every corner was a bitter reminder - now that has all but completely faded away.

I gained 15 lbs on top of the 25 i need to lose but that was just me escaping in a different way. And he was my mentor - up until last week - helping me plan my career. Telling me the best place to try kayaking. Suggesting a new wine. We even gave each other marriage advice - weird I know. So i am mournig the loss of my second best friend. Because I need to be true to myself and my DH, who is my best friend.

Started a new diet with my DH today. The sun in shining. And I am very grateful to have made it three days NC.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Mon, 06-06-2011 - 5:21pm
Great Job, Songs!!!

It's HUGE that you have recognized that you need to move past this A and are ready to do the work required. It starts, and ends, with NC. We've all learned the hard way, but we've all learned. Each day will get a little easier than the one before. It'll take time, but it'll take.

Our A's have taken their tolls on our M's. We stay or leave for our own reasons, but for those that stay in their M, it takes some work to re-build the bonds that brought us there in the first place. I am sure others will share their experiences at some point, but I want to say how great it is that you are starting a new diet with your DH. Ending the A, committing to NC, and focusing on your M are all ways that you are defining a new you. What better way to do that, and shed the hurt of the A, than to partner with your DH to shed the extra pounds. Call me crazy, but I think it's fabulously symbolic.

MPV

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Mon, 06-06-2011 - 7:31pm
Songs, I'm a little late chiming in but I just wanted to add my very warm welcome.

You sound clear about your reasons for ending and you sound commited to NC, so I reckon this ending will be the one that sets you free. And we will be here supporting you and cheering you on all the way.

Congratulations on Day 1 of NC and congratulations on the first day of a new life of honesty and integrity.

Kat

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