I need support to continue on the track to strength

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2011
I need support to continue on the track to strength
13
Sat, 05-28-2011 - 4:56pm

This is the first time I have posted on the board, but have lingered many times for the last year or so.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Onefinch, welcome to EAS and I'm glad you've found some support through reading our posts.

Perhaps it would be helpful if you shared some more of your story with us? Based solely on what you've written, and my own personal views on consent, autonomy, and sexual rights, this is a story of rape, not "love". Love does not threaten, control, intimidate, or harm. Have you considered contacting a sexual violence support service or the police?

With care and concern

Kat
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009

Onefinch,

What you have described is rape.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2011
Thank you, Dee and Kat. That is what I have felt about this situation as well. I am sure I look like the dumbest person on the planet, but a lot has happened in the last 2 years to make me question myself. Many of the things he did to me that night were things we had never done-almost in a rage; however, there have been times he has acted selfish or insensitive but never at this level. I have made an appointment with a therapist for Monday. I feel as though he has upper hand here since I do not want to prosecute after I had an affair for 2 years. I am shocked by this.

Kat, I will share more details regarding the last 2 years if you think that will help. (I think it will too.)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2011
We have known each other since we were in elementary school. Our families went on vacations together. We maintained a fairly close friendship through other friends. My husband and I have dealt differently with the stressors in our marriage (our special needs children) and have lost connection with one another. We still appreciate the love we both give to our children and how hard we work in and outside of the home, but we have lost connection through years of exhaustion and blame. A little more than two years ago, I reached out to xAP because we have similar careers and enjoy the same things (and he was safe). Within a few months it had become sex and love. He is an alcoholic and stopped drinking, for a time. It seemed that was a pattern: he'd make a mistake, i'd explain how it hurt me, he'd deny it was a mistake, silent-treament it up for a couple days, and then admit he was sorry. He is single and never wanted it to be more. At least that is what he said, but I think the situation made him mad. This last night was a final straw. Ten years ago I was raped. He knows this too. I have no idea how I could have spent 2 years loving a psycopath.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2011

Hi onefinch,

Welcome to EAS (((big hug))). What you've described is a dangerous situation which I'm sure you know; if he was able to rape you while you were unconscious he could quite possibly do damage to your relationship with your H and family... I'm so glad you decided to end it all and go NC. We are here to support you on your journey.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2011
Welcome to the board, I hope you find the support you need, whether here or thru your T to keep this monster away from you! I'm sorry for the pain you must be in...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Sat, 05-28-2011 - 10:05pm
Onefinch, you are going to have some difficult decisions to make over the next few weeks and months, and I agree with Dee - we can offer you our support but you will need more help than we can provide. I am so glad you have an appointment for counselling.

Right now, your first priority needs to be your safety and the safety of your children. How much access does this man have to your family? What can you do/have you done to begin building a wall of NC?

((Hugs)) to you honey. I am proud of you for deciding "no more".

Kat
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010
Sat, 05-28-2011 - 10:23pm

Welcome OneFinch,

I am so sorry for what has happened to you but glad that you have opened up to us and felt safe on EAS.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Sat, 05-28-2011 - 11:50pm
Onefinch,

I read your post this evening with shock, dismay and sadness. I don't know what to say that others haven't already shared. What this man did to you was heinous and disgusting. I agree with Dee about where he should be for violating you sexually and emotionally.

I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you to have to deal with. I am sending blessing of peace and prayers that he keeps away from you, allowing you to find a way to heal from his actions.

Faced with a similar circumstance, I don't know what I would do. That said, I do know that if my DS faced this kind abuse, A be damned, I'd want the guy held responsible and I'd want her to have the proper support to recover.

I'm certain that many of us will be keeping you in our thoughts; I certainly will.

MPV
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2011
Sun, 05-29-2011 - 12:39am

Welcome Onefinch!

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