I need to talk about this
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 09-03-2009 - 9:46am |
I guess I fell off the wagon, of sorts. I feel pretty bad.
xMM was in town and I ended up going to dinner with him. I'm sure you're gasping *WHY?*. I was worn out from the tension at work of not talking to him and I thought I could put 'friendly' closure and relieve the tense atmosphere. I am in a happy place and thought I was strong, and also I thought he had moved on since he wasn't fishing anymore. I got the rake in the face again.
We talked about a few bad things from the past and I did shed some tears at dinner. We walked to my place after and he grabbed me in the street and kissed me. I weakly reciprocated but I don't feel the same for him anymore. It didn't have the effect on me that it used to.
We got to my place and I asked him what he wanted and why he was sitting on my couch. He said he wanted to start seeing each other again, and I told him I'd rather be alone than to go back to what we had. Then I started crying again because there is no freaking way I want to be in an A. I am so glad we did not get physical (I told him point blank there was no way that was going to happen tonite so don't even try)
I don't want to let go of my peaceful life, I worked really hard for this. I got up this morning and the only thing I could think was the word NO. He emailed me twice after he got home saying he had a great time bla bla bla and offering to take me away for the weekend. I just don't want to go.
It was just the same stupid sh*t drivel as before. 'I have a M of convenience and you're the love of my life, but I still don't know if I will let go of my M' (the exact words out of his mouth). Yeah, like I want to get involved with that again!! I don't care if I'm the love of his life, he'll just have to do without me. I deserve better.
I wish I could go back to bed and cry this all out of my system but I have to get ready to go to the office. Thank God he's in an all-day meeting and leaving today. NC feels so much better than this.
sad trixie


Pages
Trixie,
I have always been one of those people that believes in every bad situation there is something good to be found...
Good Morning Sad Trixie!
Well i had to step in and give you a hug. you ARE strong and you are NOT in an A. that's what counts here. You stood up for yourself. You didn't get physical. This encounter reaffirmed to you why you're not with this person anymore. That nothing has changed. That they're cake eaters, selfish, childish, and inconsiderate, and that will never change.
Was just another hurdle to overcome.
Hugs and Strength for Today,
Sunshine
.
Hi Trixie,
You have been a huge support for so many people on this board! There is no sense feeling bad about the past which is what your last incident was; the past. Move forward from today on. Go back to your previous messages and remind yourself how great it felt to be successful with NC to help keep you moving forward. You have been doing great! I just read message number 27228.1 again from you and I know you can do it!
I made a mistake a few weeks ago and I decided I was going to stop feeling guilty about it and stop thinking about it all the time. That wasn't helping things. However, I was going to learn from my mistake and how it made me feel and be even stronger moving forward.
Hugs to you!
So, he's got the same old song and dance going on? And are you going to say....Okay? Heck NO!!! LIke you said, you deserve better than this. You deserve a man who will give you all of his love, all he has got, and put you first, not his wife!!!
Tell him to lose his wife, show you the papers and maybe you'll have dinner with him again and then at dinner tell him, "Um, sorry but you know what, I don't think its going to work out with us. Its all just a little too late."
Big hugs Trixie.
I love your great big NO !! That says so much of where your head is and how far you have come.
I do understand not feeling "the feeling" anymore. My last
We ALL make mistakes....There is always that tiny spot in our hearts that hopes maybe "oneday" even though we try to push that feeling away. I
Hi ladies thank you so much for your replies you made my day, they mean so much to me. I am at the office, feeling better but still a bit stunned/sad. I will feel a lot better when he's gone; I know that he won't be back for another month and the week he will be here I am booked all week with external stuff. He's been emailing me all morning like he's my new best friend and I'm ignoring. Ugh.
big hugs,
trixie xo
Hey Trixie -
((HUGS))
Wow, I had knots in my stomach reading your post - can't imagine the emotions that you have experienced since then.
Those slippery slopes are a pain, eh? Justifying having dinner was your first mistake but hey, you thought you could handle it. Why? I am not exactly sure other than maybe you
Pages