I need tough love quick
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 11-11-2004 - 1:29pm |
So I am disappointed to say that I have had contact with xMM after that stupid email I sent to him. Well for the past couple of weeks we were going back and forth. He pretty much came out and said to me that he wanted to meet so we could have s*x. I had agreed. He said why dont we meet for a drink first and I was like "nope - that means we talk and we have said everything we need to say. Lets call a spade a spade. You want to meet only so you could f**k me." His response was "Well can you blame me? Look at you, Christ!" - ok, so am i supposed to be flattered??
So I tell him to arrange all of it. He says he wants me to do it cuz' he doesnt like doing that. Ok...can we say how stupid is Dipss yet? Well to make a long story short in the end I didnt meet him. A part of me wanted to meet him again, but for what? I couldnt figure it out. Its not like it was before lets say, when I believed what we were doing was really "making love".
I am so messed up. I know I dont love this guy and yet I allow myself (not him) to treat me like total crap.
So I am stopping this AGAIN! I emailed him and told him that I didnt love him. I loved my H and that I cant do this, I told him I would never, ever, ever, ever contact him again. Dipss famous last words.
Why do I keep doing this? I become consumed by him. I lose total control. I look so pathetic. Its almost embarrassing.
I love my H and my beautiful son. So what is my problem?
Anyway, I know it sounds pathetic. I swear I am going to try to do this again. I cant keep doing this anymore. I have to fight those urges. I went for 5 weeks strong and that little moment of weakness has not only set me back but thrown me back against so hard that I am winded, and exhausted.
so i need tough love now! I need to get back on track. i need to hear that tough love real quick.
I know I have faltered. I know that what I did was wrong. I swear I want to fight this. I know my actions proved differently but I need to do this.
HELP!!!
xo!
Dipss

Pages
be happy you didnt sleep with him. that would have placed you behind the wall, inside the studs!!!
dont give up. you can keep the nc again. you had a little slip some excitement but you were able to stop before making this worse.
in the end its you that is going to hurt. for them its just a game.
hang in there
upsidedown
First of all, everyone pay attention. See what happens when you break NC? How easily you get sucked right back in?
Dipss, I am so sorry that this is still such a struggle for you. I know that in your heart you want this to end. I really think you are addicted to the excitement high; no doubt, it is a very real, very powerful drug. But I believe you can break this addiction!
I wish I had something new & different to tell you that you don't already know. But you've heard it all before. Just stick to that No Contact, honey. Think of this as a fresh start and make some kind of changes in your life, whether it be taking up yoga, doing a marriage strengthening weekend with your hubby, ANYTHING, that might help you figure out what it is about dipss that is attracting you to danger...
Meanwhile, maybe now that you know he still wants you, you won't need that affirmation from him anymore? But you want to remain a good memory to him, right? So remember to keep your dignity; the best way to do that is by meaning what you say with the NO CONTACT.
Hang in there, dipss, you WILL get there!
Just be proud of yourself that you stood strong in the end. I too have had those 'urges' when i get the 2am phone call from the bar. Part of me has wanted to go be with him 'to feel his arms around me again' to 'see if there are any feelings still there'. Whatever the reason - it's wrong and not worth it. We both know that and have made the right decision. I too am starting over again with NC as of today. Screw bed buddies - we can be NC buddies :-)
Diva
Yup. For all listening, breaking NC is the WORST thing you can do. AWFUL!!!!
So if you must, use me as your example. BAD! BAD! BAD!
So Katie, I wish that I could say that I have been able to save my dignity with him and have him think me as a good memory but truth be told I think if I had walked away a long time ago at the beginning I would have done that...I think my pshyco chick ways blew any chance of any of that. Every different emotion I was going through was also shared with him. Yes, I want to meet you, no I dont want to meet you. The back and forth thing, well, not so impressive if you get my drift.
But I need to move beyond that. Wow. Does it really hurt. I am not sure why it hurts like it does. The addiction? The thrill? The pseudo friendship? The habit of it all? The ability to escape through him? But that escape really didnt exist at the end either cuz' he brought me pain with his words and actions and really that is it. But I of course took the abuse.
I am hanging in. Thanks for the advice.
Enough about me...how was your trip?? How was Mickey? How are you doing?
xo!
Okay, you know you did bad. Time to re-coup!
The next time you get this urge - get AWAY from the computer!!!!
Now that you know he is after one thing, why on earth would you ever stoop that low to give it to him? He is taking you away from your family - don't let him do that anymore.
Do you remember the post about holding hands with everyone on the board? And if you fall off that means other people are left hanging? Well think of it as your family holding hands. If he gets you to hold onto him instead of them, which one is going to fall off the cliff?
Head straight back to no contact. You've told him this. If he breaks it, he is not respecting you. You deserve respect.
"I went for 5 weeks strong and that little moment of weakness has not only set me back but thrown me back against so hard that I am winded, and exhausted." You said it yourself, you are exhausted. Let this be the straw that broke the camels back and be done with this guy forever.
You can do it. No, it will not be easy. But you can. If you interact with him at work, try to get more work to do to stay busy. Even if you just have to clean files in your desk or something. Stay occupied. And try to get thru NC one hour at a time.
good luck, hon
I forgot about that imaginary holding of the hands link. Thank you for reminding me. It brought tears to my eyes.
I wish I could meet all the wonderful people here. You guys are really awesome.
I know I can do this. Damn it. I truly am stronger than that. Just a wimp it appears when it comes to this jerk!
I have decided that I hate him!
Wow. That kinda felt good.
xo!
Dipss
I'd like to add that your story sounds similar to mine, however, you've been a LOT stronger than me. You had NC for 5 weeks. Wow!!!! I wish I was that strong, but I am not. My NC's lasted not more than a day or two. Then xMM would call and I would first ignore his call, then an hour later call him back.
He called me again today. Left me a vm. That was almost 2 hours ago. I haven't called him back yet and I am keeping super busy and trying hard not to cave in.
I guess we've learned the hard way that most of these men just want us for the physical part. At least that's what my xMM intended. He told me after our 2nd break up that he still wants to remain "friends". Yet, he never calls me and if he does he sounds distant.
Hang in there. At least you had the will power to go NC for 5 weeks. That's amazing!!! It is like a drug. We know these men are bad, yet we go back for more.
I strongly believed that my xMM cared about me, because even though he started getting distant with me after 2 months into our A, but there were times when he was so sweet. I guess that's their way of making us weak, so we go back for more.
This whole situation is very tough. It's like when we hear about women who get beaten up by their husbands/boyfriends and yet they don't leave the relationship. I never understood that, but now I do.
One side of me still cares about xMM, but the other side of me hates him because he hurt me and used me and still tries to use me.
I don't know if I will ever recover. Posters have said that it does get better. I haven't got to that point yet. Far from it!
Hang in there. I think you are much stronger than you think. Now you know why he called you, so use that as a reminder not to be taken for granted.
Sadgirl
Funny - I just reread something you said and to respond.
I too feel like I have made an emotion a@@ out of myself w/xOM. I wish I had left the relationship earlier - when I was still able to go out w/ my head held high. Somewhere along the way I turned into a needy, clingy, wishy-washy mess. I'm sure my X thinks I'm a psyco (which is fine, because I think he is too ;-p). But the thing to remember is - you know who you are. You know the real you and that is ALL that matters!
AD
I too know that out of control crazy feeling that these men/affairs bring out in us. Pretty scary isn't it? I used to wonder what it was about him that made me act that way, but I now realize its not about him. Its all about me. You have to look at yourself and question 'what is it?', 'why have I done this?' Search for the answers within.
As for what he thinks of you - don't worry about that at all. Essentially, its like two alcoholic drinking buddies. He probably likes you when you feel all messed up - thats when you are 'his'. When you are in a healthy state of mind, you 'leave him at the bar to drink alone'. Truly, you can't look at this as two people in love. You need to see it as two people with a problem. Once you do that, its so much easier to walk away.
You can do this!
Crystal
Pages