I need tough love quick

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
I need tough love quick
13
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 1:29pm
So I have not posted much of late cuz' I am truly terribly confused, torn, sad, emotionally unstable...should I go on? Well I am sure you get my drift - a total mess.

So I am disappointed to say that I have had contact with xMM after that stupid email I sent to him. Well for the past couple of weeks we were going back and forth. He pretty much came out and said to me that he wanted to meet so we could have s*x. I had agreed. He said why dont we meet for a drink first and I was like "nope - that means we talk and we have said everything we need to say. Lets call a spade a spade. You want to meet only so you could f**k me." His response was "Well can you blame me? Look at you, Christ!" - ok, so am i supposed to be flattered??

So I tell him to arrange all of it. He says he wants me to do it cuz' he doesnt like doing that. Ok...can we say how stupid is Dipss yet? Well to make a long story short in the end I didnt meet him. A part of me wanted to meet him again, but for what? I couldnt figure it out. Its not like it was before lets say, when I believed what we were doing was really "making love".

I am so messed up. I know I dont love this guy and yet I allow myself (not him) to treat me like total crap.

So I am stopping this AGAIN! I emailed him and told him that I didnt love him. I loved my H and that I cant do this, I told him I would never, ever, ever, ever contact him again. Dipss famous last words.

Why do I keep doing this? I become consumed by him. I lose total control. I look so pathetic. Its almost embarrassing.

I love my H and my beautiful son. So what is my problem?

Anyway, I know it sounds pathetic. I swear I am going to try to do this again. I cant keep doing this anymore. I have to fight those urges. I went for 5 weeks strong and that little moment of weakness has not only set me back but thrown me back against so hard that I am winded, and exhausted.

so i need tough love now! I need to get back on track. i need to hear that tough love real quick.

I know I have faltered. I know that what I did was wrong. I swear I want to fight this. I know my actions proved differently but I need to do this.

HELP!!!

xo!

Dipss


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 4:29pm
Hiya Dipss

Dont feel your alone, I did the same last week, I was miserable after weeks of NC and BAM, I did it, one low moment and I was putty in his hands. I am starting the process all over again. You are not alone, we can beat this. We can do this.

P.S. I did not sleep with him again, Just talked for too too too long.

Here if you need me

Take Care

Bug

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 7:40pm
Dipps

You got tossed off the NC horses back, it happens, now you have decided to ride the beast tell you have broken it, that alone will being you victory in time.

Crystal gave you a very insightful response, what she said is dead on the money, this really is about you so look deep with in and find the answers with the answers comes the power to stop doing this once and for all.

XMM has no power you do not give him remember that, it is you and you alone that has made the decisions that have allowed this to happen and continue, so you can make the decision to say NO MORE and to make it stick, don't accept excuses from yourself to go back again.

You daminstrated your power by standing up to that slime and not allowing him to manipulate you into bed, YOU ARE IN CONTROL.

Were it comes to NC you may find it reduces the stress if you do not count the days.


YOU CAN DO IT IF YOU DECIDE TO

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Fri, 11-12-2004 - 10:02am
Hello All,

Well thank you all for your responses. This is it. I am going to do this. I have to do this. Not only for my family but for my own sanity as well.

I left the office yesterday feeling good about myself again. I know each day will bring on different emotions. But i do know this, when I was in contact with him again, I didnt feel so good.

So today is another day. A busy day thankfully. So I will put my head down and keep on going.....

Free - you are right. I am in control. Its time for me to start acting like an adult and stop running away. I know the journey will be painful but I guess that is the penalty that you are faced when we enter the world of an A.

Thank you everybody for your support.

xo!

Dipss

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