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| Tue, 02-24-2004 - 1:59pm |
So I am going to stay here, even if I hear things I don't particularly want to hear. And I am going to take care of me and my kids before anything else.
I woke up today with such a better outlook- went to the library and checked out some books on marriages in trouble and divorce planning. I have yoga tonite and am planning to really challenge all my energies on myself and not some self-indulgent fantasy with MM. And although NC is next to impossible- we mostly see each other on the weekends and he is going out of town this weekend and I am the following. So I am thinking this might be a good time to make an effort not to speak to him and sort out my head.
And then I come home from the library and who is on my caller id?!?! No message- which is his way of saying he is looking to talk to me. I am NOT going to call him back!!! That is why I am writing this, so I don't run to the phone and ask him if he is looking for me(which is what I normally do). And I will be honest, I am dying to know why he is calling.
So help me be strong- I think the Gods don't believe me and are really trying to test me out already!!!!

I'm sending out some good vibes for you NOT TO CALL HIM. NC, NC, NC, NC. (hey, where's riverguy with his NC mantra when you need him????)
You sound like you are on the right path.....keep it up!
dharma
I wish I could get from point A to point Z without having to do all that middle stuff. I know this is far from over and mostly I am the only one who can do anything about it. But I also want my head to over-rule my heart. I guess I will just have to take baby steps- if today I didn't return his call, then today was a success! Tomorrow I will start from that point and take one more step.
I just wish this wasn't so hard, it didn't hurt so much and that I could have some guarantees that I will be ok- not too tall of an order! LOL