I need your help

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2003
I need your help
3
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 1:59pm
First I want to thank everyone who took the time to respond to my first post yesterday. Everyone of you gave me some things to really think about. In fact that is all I have been doing. My first reaction was to say "All these stories are the same, maybe I'm different" But I am too smart to fall into that trap. I know all the harsh realities here- being friends is probably going to be an almost impossible situation for me, I need to stop focusing on this MM and really start doing the work I need to do on my M (which is to end it, but I knew that long before MM came into the picture), and really take a hard look at myself.

So I am going to stay here, even if I hear things I don't particularly want to hear. And I am going to take care of me and my kids before anything else.

I woke up today with such a better outlook- went to the library and checked out some books on marriages in trouble and divorce planning. I have yoga tonite and am planning to really challenge all my energies on myself and not some self-indulgent fantasy with MM. And although NC is next to impossible- we mostly see each other on the weekends and he is going out of town this weekend and I am the following. So I am thinking this might be a good time to make an effort not to speak to him and sort out my head.

And then I come home from the library and who is on my caller id?!?! No message- which is his way of saying he is looking to talk to me. I am NOT going to call him back!!! That is why I am writing this, so I don't run to the phone and ask him if he is looking for me(which is what I normally do). And I will be honest, I am dying to know why he is calling.

So help me be strong- I think the Gods don't believe me and are really trying to test me out already!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 3:02pm
No strings~

I'm sending out some good vibes for you NOT TO CALL HIM. NC, NC, NC, NC. (hey, where's riverguy with his NC mantra when you need him????)

You sound like you are on the right path.....keep it up!

dharma

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2003
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 9:05pm
Ok I know it has only been one day, but I have not called him back. I got real busy- doing things around the house, making a nice dinner-ANYTHING so I wouldn't pick up that phone. I can't help wondering why he was looking for me and I fear if he calls again tomorrow I will have to answer. Last week he called twice during the day and I didn't answer (I was just feeling too vulnerable and wanted a little space) 15 minutes after the second call, he showed up at my door. We ended up having a stupid fight- mostly I just looked like some needy fool.

I wish I could get from point A to point Z without having to do all that middle stuff. I know this is far from over and mostly I am the only one who can do anything about it. But I also want my head to over-rule my heart. I guess I will just have to take baby steps- if today I didn't return his call, then today was a success! Tomorrow I will start from that point and take one more step.

I just wish this wasn't so hard, it didn't hurt so much and that I could have some guarantees that I will be ok- not too tall of an order! LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 11:27pm
Here is one guarantee, you will be ok, just like the rest of us needy fools that want ahead of you to pave the road.