I PROMISE there is Life after the Affair

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
I PROMISE there is Life after the Affair
11
Sun, 08-30-2009 - 9:55pm

Hello All.


It has been quite some time since I have been on the boards.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2009
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 3:52am

Deb,

This was a really wonderful post to read. Thanks so much for coming hear and offering these words of inspiration to those of us at a much earlier stage of healing. (I have been out of my A for 2 months now, and am on my second round of concerted NC - day 14 today).

It is really great to read about someone who's at the other end of the tunnel, where the light is.

Do you remember when you really started to feel better? I am frustrated about how long it is taking me. It feels like I am going to be mired with these feelingsof sadness and 'lostness' forever.
When you said that you did a ton of work, were you mainly referring to therapy? Could you have got through without it? I tried counselling the first time I ended it 6 months ago. It had the very positive effect of keeping me physically going (I was in an absolutely terrible state - the A was literally killing me), but it didn't feel it gave me any deep insights into what was going on in my life. The true illumination, for me, has come from reading here, and realizing that my situation wasn't that special, my feelings weren't unique, and my xAP's behavior - and my own - conformed to a well documented stereotype.
I am not in therapy now (it is expensive, and not something I can afford right now), but am desperate to try and take the next steps to getting better.

Aside from therapy, was there any specific steps you took to help you through the first difficult few months?

Once again, thank you for your post.

LT

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2009
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 6:31am

This is a great story! Thanks so much for sharing and giving us newbies a ray of hope! Its so great to hear you're recovered and HAPPY! Although I am just beginning the process of ending the A (haven't even gone completely NC yet - but getting there!) I hope to be the same someday soon!!


Take care and good luck in your future!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 7:01am

Hi LT..


I hear you loud and clear.. One of the questions I always asked is "when I am going to start feeling better?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2006
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 7:52am

Deb,


Congratulations!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2009
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 8:20am

Hope....I feel the same way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2009
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 1:02pm

Awesome post!!! Thank you, Deb :-)

trixie xo



"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.”
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 3:26pm

Hi Deb,


Thanks for the post.


I am also M and have gotten my M back after much hard work and T (individual and marriage). Both my husband and I had to make changes to save our M.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 7:21pm

Hey Hope , Lost and Ladies..


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2006
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 9:49pm

Deb,


Thank you so much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 10:44pm

Dev,


I just wanted to say thanks for posting!

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