I ran into him at the deli tonight (the exAP) after months....he looks like a stranger to me

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
I ran into him at the deli tonight (the exAP) after months....he looks like a stranger to me
10
Fri, 01-14-2011 - 9:12pm

Well it was bound to happen sooner or later.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010

All I can say is congratulations on handling the situation which I am sure was a shock!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010

Renewal, you are right!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010

What profound thoughts you had coming away from this experience!!!!

I look forward to that hard cold analysis like you did on your own "motivations".

Isn't it an amazing feeling to be SOOOOOOOOOO DISTANT that you barely recognize what used to be TOO FAMILIAR?!?!?!?!?

Oh my hat is off to you, for thinking all the incredible responsible things you did, Melinda. I am QUITE IMPRESSED!!!

What a big grown up you are! :)

I really cant wait to GET THERE.

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010

Hi Melinda

How strong you are and how well you handled this

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010

New Life thanks!!

Yeah me a grown up!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010

Markscloud thanks!

It was funny when you said that about him driving 1000 miles to see you in a deli.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Your post got me thinking. Most of you know I had an A with xAP 21 years ago. I certainly thought I had reached indifference. Never really gave him a thought until we ran into each other again. Funny because when I first saw him I thought to myself "what the hell did you see in him all those yaers ago, alwayst?" But I let myself get sucked right back into the vortex. It was naughty and exciting and badass. Thought we were both the bomb and entitled to our second go-round. Should have followed my first instinct.

I love that you examined all your feelings about coming face to face with him again. And I really like your conclusions, Melinda. Yep. JAM.

Love you!!
Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Dear Melinda,

Woman, I was nodding my head right along with you through your entire post. I remember the first time I saw xAP after I was FULLY out of the fog. It was like being struck with a 2x4. He was such a stranger to me, and I didn't find him the least bit attractive. I knew what he was capable of, and this was all that I could see. The ugly that was him. As he stood there trying to engage me in small talk, as I set up my presentation, I just laughed on the inside. I kept thinking to myself "Loser - NONE of it is working on me TODAY". What a powerful feeling. Months prior we would have ended up rolling around on some floor somewhere after just the slightest effort on his part. That was laughable to me. Then when I left, the same emotions you experienced washed over me ... the range of questions, the self-reflection ... it was a new level of processing for me and I was grateful for that little opportunity to "see" him once I was outta the woods (NO DO NOT GO LOOKING FOR IT) ... because I had done soooo much growth, and was able to see him as just another broken human being. Not someone with super powers sent by the Universe to save me. Just some ordinary person who was as lost as the day I left him.

I don't think indifference means you or I feel nothing ... i think indifference is how I describe the sensation of being in complete peace with KNOWING that he will never play a role in my life again, that I am healthy enough to see that it was destructive & hurtful to ALL parties, that destiny didn't bring us together only circumstance, that coincidences aren't signs (OMG - you like PIZZA too! We MUST be soul mates!) ... that I do not want to ever see him again, hear from him again, or know anything about his life - not because it is too painful, but because I simply do not care. That is indifference to me.

Much Love Melinda & thank you for the post,

TU.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010

Thanks so much TU!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009

Melinda,

This was a great post. Sorry I didn't read it sooner. I could really relate to what you said here:

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Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha