I reached for my phone....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
I reached for my phone....
26
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 7:22am

To book my room at Hotel Tweenerville


i have had 2

New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 8:24am

NC -

I'm so proud of you! I have no idea what an "internet footy tipping comp" is, but you go girl - beat the boys. Just continue to take care of you with NC. :)

Running all those questions through your mind was wonderful. You processed everything and you held your own. I do the same thing - especially with the phone - XAP used to say "why didn't you just call me if you were so worried?" And I would cry and tell him he didn't understand - what if something HAD happened to him and his W had his phone, etc. Blech.

Toss that secret phone in the trash.

We'll play a round of golf on the course we'll be able to see from our room in Tweenerville. Hmmm, RBM - we'll need a 4th. Who else around here plays??

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 9:21am

I do!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2010
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 9:55am

Hey NC!
Just wanted to say well done, and I am awful proud of you! The waves keep coming, sometimes bigger, sometimes smaller. The important part is that with each one you remember to turn, paddle hard, and ride it…freely…triumphantly. And while exhausting as that may be, the desire to just let that next wave break over you is extremely dangerous…set you off balance…and be drug away by the undertow.

Been thinking a lot about the term triggers we use here. Triggers, as in those things that set off the yearnings for the addiction. But to me each one is a real trigger, attached to a real gun that we have pointed at our head. Acting on one, or pulling it as it were, could be downright deadly. You had yours cocked and ready, and I am so happy that you put it down, and reengaged the safety. As Bodhi said, your true assessment of what the consequences of squeezing off that round would have been shows amazing resolve, and progress in healing. Again I am very proud of you. You said…

<< These thoughts stopped me................
How do i know W hasnt swapped phones with him?
How do i know he would receive it? Ignore it?
How do i know he wouldnt resent my fishing?
Would he recognize my lack of respect for his NC ?>>

More importantly YOU recognized the respect in yourself for keeping NC. Over the last 3+ weeks this idea of the sanctity of NC, and getting respect for myself in keeping it, regardless of whether or not it is showing respect in the eyes of my xAP, has kept me from pulling that trigger.

I am happy that you had a great visit with an old friend. Distractions to make the days pass can be a godsend!

Here is wishing you good luck along your path to tweenerville and beyond. I hope that there is a big pond out that window, full of frogs to sing you peacefully to sleep each and every night.
Peace--Foggy

I do not know what is next in life...but at least I know what is NOT!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 10:50am

CSN - deal! I'll shine up my clubs :)

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 11:10am

Foggy,


<<>>


Excellent

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 11:20am

NC,


<

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 11:23am

NC....I had one of those phones.

BE the change that you want to see in the world! Life loves me and I love life! <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 11:27am

I love this!


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 5:49pm

noc2010,

I love how you really thought things out. It sounds like you took some deep breaths and thought if I "did this", then what are the consequences, what could happen....

Kudos to you, this is a big step. You have to be proud of yourself, you proved you can do it and gain from it. Tell the girls in the penthouse to move over, cus a new gal is on her way !! ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 8:21pm

Thanks everyone for your positive comments and feedback..i needed it...Tuesday i really felt soooo low, and Foggy's analogy of a real gun is a powerful one, we blow away everything we have worked towards in real life. This board is sooo good for making you feel accountable to someone.


Iddy you were so right that my friend leaving was what had set me off, i was a blubbering mess at the airport i think her H wondered what was wrong with me....


New Choices, New Chapter,


New Challenges,

Pages