I really need support

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
I really need support
5
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 12:51pm
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Edited 2/8/2005 10:06 am ET ET by littlesoul2
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2004
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 2:38pm
Hang in there. i know it's hard. I got into a depression 1 weekend. we just have to take it day by day. as much as i hate saying that but it's true. Sometimes i can't believe what i've done but it happened & i can't change it. I hope your day gets better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2004
Wed, 01-26-2005 - 10:58am

I was thinking of guilt lately myself. Struggling all the time with what I did to my DH. I don't see or talk to my xMM anymore. We've been over for more than 2 months our total A was 4 1/2 months. I struggle everyday with what I have done to my H. I don't feel I should get off easy because I did cheat on my DH. There are no excuses for my selfless actions. But at the time the A started things in my M were really bad. My H has an anger issue and it started to make me feel like I didn't want to be M to him anymore. The day I decided to have to got further with my A and actually started contemplating having IC was the day my DH acted so angry I just couldn't emotionally take it anymore. So I started justify having an A.

Now I realize that I should of not have had an A at all. But what's done is done. Fortunately my H does not know about the A. It would kill him. He is becoming a better H because of counseling. But my guilt is with me every day. I beat myself up constantly and re-live in my mind the things that I did. It just makes me sick when I think about it. I know I don't deserve to walk away with no consequences, but I wonder if it gets better? Will I heal? Do I deserve to heal?

Anybody out there that had an A but their DH didn't find out? What are you doing to cope with your guilt? It is just eating me alive.

So Little, even tough I'm not one to give advice, because I can't even get past my guilt.
I wouldn't be too hard on yourself. I wish I had more to say to you to help you, but like I said above, I struggle myself and it is hard to overcome. For me anyway.

Take care

Luv

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Wed, 01-26-2005 - 11:56am
m


Edited 2/8/2005 7:03 pm ET ET by littlesoul2
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2004
Wed, 01-26-2005 - 2:14pm

Hi littlesoul,
I'm sorry you have been so blue lately sunshine! I was reading this that you wrote about your H=
<<<>>>
I have the same issue with my DH. He also has anger issues, and our M has been in the crapper for quite some time. (well before my A started one and a half years ago) I have basically surrendered to the fact that I will never be able to do exactly what he wants to make him happy. I feel guilt for everything I do in our marriage. I have guilt about the Affair. I have guilt that I choose to not spend every hour of my life outside of my full-time job at home (sue me-I like to go to the gym and out for an occasional drink w/ my friend) I have guilt that I am not the perfect wife. Hell, I have guilt that I don't give him 4 blow jobs a week like he probably wants! (LOL) (-o.k not that much guilt over that one)
I guess what I am getting at is that we are never gonna do it ALL right. And you made a huge mistake, but if you keep feeling bad about it and feeling guilty you can't really get at the real problems that AREN'T just you. I'm not justifying what we did be having an A, but in my case my husband has done some pretty shameful things to me as well.
And it sounds like yours has also. We are all just silly little humans running around trying to get it right.
I hope you start to feel a little brighter soon. I know you can find the strength to stay away from him if that is what is best. And definitely stick with your T. I am in desperate need of a good head shrinking- ha ha- but alas my insurance is poop!
~if you need or would like to talk some more I am here!
~hugs and kisses
~meg


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2004
Wed, 01-26-2005 - 2:28pm

Meg-

You are so funny. LOL!

<<>>

Not that much guilt....Heck no guilt at all for me!!!!

SS