i really think i am loosing it...
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| Thu, 09-24-2009 - 1:51pm |
and i mean REALLY loosing it... i give sooo much credit to you ladies that survive this NC stuff... especially if you are married.. my husband thinks i am going thru menopause b/c i am a wreck..
my history for those of you that hadn't read, is under MM's wife wants to meet me...
i was on day 6 of no contact... i was miserable.. crying.. not enjoying my kids. having to pretend everything is fine with my husband when i am DYING inside! everything reminds me of xAP... everything!! songs, tv (season premire of house?? wtf!), computer, outside, driving.. grrrrrr.. everything...
yesterday was a day we had weeks ago planned on spending together... before his wife found out about us again.. but anyway, we were going to spend the day. but that was all off because we both agreed to not see each other &

Hi LIG,
I do remember you and your story and I apologize that there are not more EASers around. The boards been kind-of slow the last couple of days. Trixie was on earlier bless her heart she was answering as many posts as she could.
So unfortunately you are stuck with my tough love :)
Well let me first off say that I don't think any of us decided that we were going to end the A and go NC and then we got through to indifference with no struggles. It is a process and it is a journey. It is different for each person.
Many of us are guilty of trying to hang on and appearing needy or even psycho when xAP
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
LIG,
Sadly, I'm going to make E1 look like a "softy".
Hi Sara,
Ok so you did make me look like a softy...a big ball of mush at that. It might have been one of my more compassionate moments...don't get use to it ;)
I really liked your post especially this line: <>
LIG I know it's hard to hear this right now because you are hurting but what Sara is saying is right on target. If you heed her warning, it could save you even more pain.
Also you are making it really easy for your xAP to reconcile with his wife. All he has to say is see she is crazy and was pursuing me. I wanted to end it before but she wouldn't let go. I don't think you want to help him weasel his way out of this but you are certainly doing that.
You will cause them to team up and go against you. Can you say restraining order that leads to your D-day?
Ok so you did what you did and it's now in the past. Today is a new day? What are you going to do that is different today?
Much love and big, big hugs,
E1
Whether you think you can or you think you can’t you are probably right.
A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Lig, let him go before he hates your guts!!! If you find the prospect of not talking to him for a while daunting, youre going the right way about him NEVER talking to you again. When his *fog* lifts from the affair, you are just going to be some psycho woman who wouldnt stop calling him. Get a hold of yourself before the W does actually come around to your house like she threatened the last time. Can you remember the twisted feeling in your stomach when you thought she was going to your H? Try and get that feeling back into your head because if your AP gets an attack of the guilts and tells her, as sure as eggs, she will come a'knockin...
Dont tempt fate a third time for your own sake!! Leave him alone, cry, scream, journal or whatever you need to do to get your emotions out but LEAVE HIM ALONE. He doesnt want you to talk to him. You havent got that *closure* you needed. Its all gone sour. Please work on yourself and your M before you lose that too.
Hugs.
SB
LIG -
You've already said that you know that the more you try to contact him and make him want to meet you, the more pathetic you are appearing to him.
just wanted to say thankyou! for the posts and replies that i have gotten.. i have been reading them over and over the past couple days... i really needed to hear what i have been reading...
i have been acting like an addict.. and i to think of that when i feel like i want to contact him.. there is no 'part-time' addict.. you are or you aren't... so i am not... i can't...
and yes, i have been spared twice from my H finding out by his W.. i am very VERY lucky... i know that i cannot do that or go thru that again.. and i do, remember that sick feeling when i thought his W was going to tell my H.. i don't want to feel that again... and i remind my self of that also when i want to email him... or miss him or want to talk to him...
i did start to see my T this afternoon to help deal with this crazy addict emotional woman i have become..... and even with having to retell the past year and a half to her i am still having a pretty good day... i am on day 5.. he emailed me on monday morning asking if i wanted to tell him how my weekend was. and i didn't.
~ life....
http://nomoreblues.wordpress.com/
Oh just leave me just get out of my head
'Cause I can't ta