I relapsed - he called me yesterday, need you to yank me out of this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010
I relapsed - he called me yesterday, need you to yank me out of this.
27
Sat, 11-20-2010 - 3:16am

Day 3 of NC and he called,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010
Hi Bodhi

Thank you so much for your time and clarifying it all, i need this, i need a kick up the a$$, i need to be reminded that 'affairland' is 'la la land', i need to register in my fuzzy head that NC= No New Hurts. I need to be told that i am not invincible, my God i read up on No Compromise's ordeal over the weekend and i am still shaking. You are helping me considerably. Love, hugs and blessings to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010
Thank you so much for your time FL,

Our situation is SO similar it is uncanny, sounds like we are married to the same man and having an A with the same man. As you say, filling our void of loneliness at the cost of affecting ALL those lives is JUST NOT WORTH IT in no way, shape or form. I'm so disgusted in myself for doing this to my H and family, and to EAP's family. Even if i don't have a dday i will forever live with the guilt of the gravity of exactly what i have done here in the pursuit to satisfy my SELFISH, quick fix needs, which at the end of the day weren't really met. FL I'm so glad you are here (not glad that you are in the situation that you are in) but glad you are willing to share your similar experience with me. Love, Hugs and Blessings to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2010
Vanessa...sorry I'm a bit late in offering my support. My exAP and I tried ending our A at least once before this last time that we did. He contacted me after we parted ways the first time saying that he missed me and wanted to be friends. We couldn't be friends...there was just too much history there. I wish now that when we ended things the first time that we never got back together because I wouldn't be hurting right now. It hurts to move on, but unfortunately the best thing for you is to learn from this experience and move on and keep NC. Hugs...you are doing great and being so strong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010
Thank you for your time whatiswrongwithme, and thank you for reinforcing my luck in EAP W not contacting my H. I found out that initially she did want to call but EAP advised her not to, and then she agreed she did not want to damage my family. Can you believe it? and look what i did to her. When i went into the A i did not for one second think about EAP W, not once. HOW SELFISH WAS I?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010
TU, thank you for your time. I read up on your story over the weekend and OMG i shuddered, and could not begin to imagine what you are going through and have gone through. Truth be told i dont think i would be able to cope at all. You are an incredible woman. Sending you lots of hugs and strength.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010
Thanks for offering this valuable perspective cove70, Yes i do feel that EAP always had the power over our R, and i have just gone along with it. I tried to end the A many times but he always managed to change my mind within a day or so, he called it off this time and 3 days later he wants it back on again. He is almost 9yrs older than i so i'm wondering whether this may have anything to do with me abiding by him. Hugs, kisses and blessings to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010
EAP and W over for dinner....my goodness what a thought. You are right i could never be friends with him, when i agreed to have a friendship with him, i was thinking more in the sense off just talking to him over the phone until things got better for him at home (he had a recent dday so is being hated by everyone in his RL). That is exactly what i was thinking, i can't help but feel responsible for what he is going through. Thank you for your advice and time julia. Hugs, kisses and blessings to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010
Thank you for your time cait43792010, i look forward to the day that we look back and feel nothing for XAP. I am strong at times but there a many times i am weak, during those times i will I will continuously chant 'NC= No New Hurts', 'NC= No New Hurts','NC= No New Hurts'. Hugs, kisses, lots of strength and blessings to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010

He got through to me again today, i told him that we couldn't be friends and that we need to accept the fact that what we have done was WRONG, and we can't go on anymore. He said he cant bare the thought of never seeing me again, i asked him whether he realises how lucky he is that his wife is giving him another chance, reminded him of the high risk of getting caught now, and emphasised the fact that getting caught the next time around he would lose everything. Yes we love each other and care for each other, but that is not enough, there is so much at stake here, if we truly want to be together we will be together OFFICIALLY, that's the only way and the right way. I told him today is the last day we will have contact, he understands/agrees everything i have said but still wants to see me despite the risks, he thinks about me all day everyday (so do i, but i did not tell him), he is going overseas for a month with his family and will be in touch with me when he returns. He is hoping i change my mind, he would not listen to what i had to say,

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010

Vanessa,

I hope yesterday was truly the last contact you will have with him.

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