I relapsed - he called me yesterday, need you to yank me out of this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010
I relapsed - he called me yesterday, need you to yank me out of this.
27
Sat, 11-20-2010 - 3:16am

Day 3 of NC and he called,

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Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010

V8's,

TOUGH LOVE COMING!!!

I think a lot of us are sitting here with baited breath, knowing that you aren't done yet. This isn't unusual. It happens to a lot of us. Use the next month to learn all you can.

Waiting a month? That's where you are at right now. Waiting to see if he is going to change and come for you.

You are a big girl. You have read all this before. It ain't going to happen. If he loved you that much why hasn't he done it already. Reality should be starting yesterday. You should have told him to not call. You have to be strong for yourself. NO ONE ELSE WILL BE!!!

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009

V-

When I read that X's BS had the empathy and love in her heart to not want to "destroy" your family... I cried.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010

((V))

I REPEAT:

"One thing that you have to keep reminding yourself....If he calls you, it's not because he left his W and wants to be with you ... it's not because he loves you and can't live without you....it's not because he's so hurt and so concerned about your well-being. He's calling because he's selfish. He's calling to get his fix. He's calling to see if you still want him. He's calling because he doesn't respect you enough to let you live your life ...He's calling b/c something's missing in his M and you were the filler."

For goodness sakes, he has gone away with his FAMILY for a month ... PLEASE take the next month to get real ... walk slowly through your family home, pick up and look at everything you hold near & deal ... can you imagine smashing it all? For him? Seriously, I want you to stick around and figure yourself out.

This isn't fantasy anymore ... you've got vulnerable and dependant children waiting for your to CHOOSE THEM over JAM!!!

Please V. Believe in yourself.

You have to know that he is just a toxic substance that is seeping into your world ... stop him. NOW.

TU.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010

TU, thank you for your time.

I am choosing my H and children over EAP, without doubt. I did tell him not to call anymore and this was it. I didn't leave on angry terms, because i know i am just as much to blame as he is for the entire A. On everyone's advice here i stepped up to the plate and told him NO MORE.. I am extremely happy that he is going away for a month, because i am hoping this will give him to reflect and accept that it is over.

You are right he is selfish, if it were the other way around and it was i who had the dday, there is no way in the world that i would want to see him ever again..... i'm realising this now.

Again thank you so much for your time and valuable advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010

Thanks Dee,

Yes, that is something that definitely stood out for me!!!!

In our last conversation, when i was reinforcing to him that this is the end, i told him that his W must be an amazing woman for giving him this chance, and for sparing me and my family. I expressed to him how low i felt for what i had done to her M.....he went silent. Hoping he will absorb all this during his time away. I KNOW THERE ARE TWO FAMILIES HERE AT STAKE, and it is up to me to put an end to this. I will do everything in my power to commit to NC. You guys are helping me so much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010
Thank you for your time and advice RBM.

Can i confirm that i did tell him not to call anymore, i am grateful that he is leaving for a month, i most certainly am not waiting, i'm hoping it will give him time to reflect and absorb the fact that IT"S OVER. That's why i was so adamant to emphasise all the positive things about his wife. Without doubt i choose my H and children over EAP, i don't want him to leave his W and children for me. I COULD NEVER LIVE WITH THAT ON MY CONSCIENCE. Sorry guys but I will still say that i did love him and I'm quite certain that he loved me (the R was mostly emotional rather than physical). WE WERE JUST 2 SELFISH human beings, that's the only way to put it. Only difference is now i am fully aware of my selfishness and he is yet to realise this.

The phone thing is definitely not an excuse, i cannot block numbers or change my number, (i have my own business and my clients have been contacting me on that number for the past 11 or so years). I paid close to $900 for my phone a couple of months ago, H would be very suspicious if i replaced it at this point for a model that does block. When EAP called me the past couple of times, his number appeared as unregistered 'Private Number' (I'm not from the US from the other side of the world).

RBM again thank you so much for your advice, i am taking everything on board here, I'm placing a lot of effort on getting strong. Everyone here, including yourself is making me stronger day by day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010
Thank you for your time and advice MNISL,

I wanted to clarify that i am not hanging in the hope that we become official, without doubt i choose my H and children over EAP. I merely pointed it out to him to state that it would be the ONLY WAY we could have a R, because it is the right way of having any sort of R. EAP is finding it hard to let go (i'm struggling too), i know everyone here is rolling their eyes when i say that i did love him and care for him and i'm quite certain that he did too (R was mostly emotional rather than physical), but that's how i felt. As i mentioned earlier, we are just 2 selfish people that had an A, only difference being i have come to realise this and he hasn't as of yet.

MNISL,thank for your wise and encouraging words, it means a lot to me that you are here and you are helping me get stronger.

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