I screwed up

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
I screwed up
5
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 2:20pm

I lost it. Started crying this afternoon. Called and very calmly left a voicemail saying "Just wanted to wish you a happy Christmas, and thats it. bye".

I am such an idiot and so unworthy of the rewards of NC. Oh well, he still can't call me back because my number is blocked out...AND I'm back to my original attitude which means I won't be contacting him again.

Everyone please take a turn at kicking me in my fat butt.

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2004
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 2:30pm

Nope, can't kick you! LOL Done that WAY too many times myself! LOL

Seriously, you'll be ok. One of these days you won't feel like doing that anymore. Until then, you may slip up now and then. And that's ok. We're in enough pain when it ends. We don't need to beat ourselves up for slipping.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 2:40pm

SCU2004

Its mysouliscrushed but I changed my name to reflect my situation now. I will not kick you but will tell you that you will get to the point where break downs just don't exist anylonger. It may seem like they will never come but they will. I better get the NC stick out of retirement and give it to you a few time...Just kidding.
Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a even stronger better New Year.

Healed

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 2:42pm

Hey, it's not worse than what I did last week. I ran into him as I was taking my lunch break. He kept looking at me deep in the eyes, told me how beautiful I was and how much he's missed me (I even heard him mumble to himself "I screwed up"). So what was it that I did so bad? I asked if he was free for lunch. I know, I know...I'm bad.

But you know what, when I was sitting across the table from him, I wasn't thinking how badly I missed him..I was thinking of all the stuff he did that broke my heart. We had a quick peck and a long hug..and I thought it was going to make me regress, but it didn't. Because I'm certain that we can never make it work, and I'm ok with that. (but a little secret..man was I horny for him!) But other than a little passing fantasy in my head about earth shattering sex, I'm not feeling like I'm missing him, and there's been no other contact since, so I guess no harm done.

It's ok to slip, just don't go back to where you were.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 5:51pm

Undone,

We all make mistakes. We all falter - we're human.

Pick yourself, dust yourself off, give yourself a great big hug - and start NC.

Luv,
Diva

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 9:20pm
Thank u everyone for responding. I feel better. I think the combination of Christmas, Husband being mean lately and PMS was just too much to handle. XOM IM'd me from his phone (i didn't think he could do that, he's not on my buddy list) and said that he received the ring and he is having it blessed on sunday. He wanted to talk to me to thank me. I just said that I was the cause of his sin and maybe he shouldn't have a priest bless it. He said that he wanted to and that it fits. I told him i was logging off and couldn't talk to him anymore, that I am too hurt and angry. And you know what? That is the honest truth. I really don't want to talk to him right now. I really can't...and that is definitely a first for me. I think NC is really going to work this time.

Jazzdiva