I screwed up....I let myself down

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
I screwed up....I let myself down
21
Tue, 11-17-2009 - 10:25am

Well....I thought about just going MIA from the boards as I hang my head in shame.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2009
Tue, 11-17-2009 - 10:35am

You hit a bump in the road girlfriend! No reason to beat yourself up..you are human. You redid NC and have taken precautions for it. That is good!! :) Now time to smooth that road so you can heal and get to where you want to be. I still love ya and it will be ok. Time to start again. Each time you will get stronger and stronger...eventually you will wonder what you ever saw in him possibly. I made a least of the traits I could never live with in xAP. I scan through it when I have a weak day and it reminds me why NC is a good thing.


I am here...no hanging your head...it is a new start!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
Tue, 11-17-2009 - 10:35am

Hi Mickey,
I can't really give you much advice, because I have caved many times myself and I know how much that hurts :(

Keep reminding yourself of what happened yesterday... so that it will never happen again. I am proud of you that you changed your phone number.

Hugs
htgo

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
Tue, 11-17-2009 - 10:42am

Hi Hope,


Thank you....your response made me cry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
Tue, 11-17-2009 - 10:46am

Thank you How,


I don't know where I'd go without these boards....and the comfort of perfect strangers. :)


I have to keep reminding myself of last night and of today....not yesterday b/c yesterday I felt good.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
Tue, 11-17-2009 - 10:52am

It's unbelievable how many similarities those xAP's have. My xAP does exactly the same. He pursues me until he gets sex. Then I don't see much of him for a few days, until he feels horny again. And at one point, is enough ENOUGH!!!!!

No longer will we let ourselves be used by such a man!
One good thing that came forth out of yesterday, was that you changed your phone number.

I hope you will feel better soon. I know how much it hurts :(

hugs
htgo

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
Tue, 11-17-2009 - 10:57am

I caught something in your post.

Onward and upward.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2009
Tue, 11-17-2009 - 11:21am

Don't give me too much credit on the strong part chickadee. I fell back into as well. It happens. You learn. You begin picking up the pieces again. One day you won't cave. One day you won't give in. One day you will realize that you are better than what he doesn't have to offer you. One day you will awaken to a day where he doesn't plague your mind, heart, and soul. One day...and each day is another day closer to that one day!


I understand the whole H finding stuff. My H knows everything and is understanding to an extent but hard to be brutally honest on a bad day. I will typically just say to him that I am missing xAP and he says ok. I know he doesn't like hearing it but he wants open and honesty communication so trying to do that.


I am here for you. Heck we are all here for each other here. Today has been a weak day for me. Trying to stay here on the boards and keep busy at work. Just one of those days. At least it is only 24 hours long. hehe

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
Tue, 11-17-2009 - 11:28am

Yes, I'm starting to see that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Tue, 11-17-2009 - 11:37am

Hi Mickey,


I know you’ve been struggling for a long time through this.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
Tue, 11-17-2009 - 11:45am

Thanks Empower,


I am going to try and get through this without IC.

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