I see colors again!
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| Mon, 03-15-2010 - 10:01am |
When I started a new job in Feb. 2008 I was so excited to be in the job of my dreams...so happy. Then xap (coworker) walked into my life. Instant attraction/chemistry. I was not looking for an affair. Married 27 years. Wow, what a mind blowing/roller coasting ride for the next couple of years.
Long story short, I proceeded to neglect all of the things I held so dear. My husband, children, pets, friends, neighbors, home, the list goes on and on.
I have been out of A since last June, however, had a couple of lunches (no sex) since then, which btw set me way, way back emotionally.
I realized yesterday that the fog has lifted. I planted flowers for the first time in two years. I cooked a beautiful meal for my family. I cleaned my home and car while my husband did yard work. Awww, real life again!
It felt great! I look out my back window and see COLORS again for the first time in two years.
I still think of xap everyday. But I'm healing. I can feel the grip loosening week by week, day by day and hour by hour.
For all of you...I am proof that there is hope for a brighter day. If I can do it anyone can. Trust me on that one.
Love and hugs to you all. Without EAS I would not be where I am today.

This is a great post, AAI. Isn't it amazing how beautiful life can "really" look when those rose colored goggles finally drop to the pavement and oooops...then you just happen to step on them?
You sound good today. The board is really quiet and at first I thought it was still the weekend, . Anyway, thanks for sharing a "Happy Post" because we need a lot more of these around here.
(((Hugs)))
~Iddy~
AAI:
I was glad to read your post.
Ah, kmg6, in time, my dear, in time.
It's only been 2 weeks. You are still missing the feel goods and emotional highs. That's why you are not seeing the affair as destructive and bad. But as time and NC goes on, you will see the relationship for what it was. Instead of asking the "whys" about him, you will start to look inward at yourself. That's when the true, real journey begins.
I promise you it will be okay. When I was only 2 weeks nc I had all the same feelings you do right now. I really didn't see a light at the end of the tunnel. I went to bed with him in my head and woke up with him in my head. And all day long he was on my mind, wondering the same things you are..."is he thinking of me? Did he really love me?" All that stuff. But be hopeful because it really is true that time and most importantly nc heals us. Remember now that my A has been over since last June, that's a long time. It took a lot of hard work on my part. Had to really concentrate on my H, my job, and of course reading everyday on this message board. It must be true about the nc thing if so many of us say it's the ONLY thing that works. Hang in there, one hour at a time. You will make it. I promise!
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement.