I shouldn't have opened the door

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
I shouldn't have opened the door
3
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 4:19pm
So, I broke NC after making it through 1 week. Was feeling pretty strong until Friday which was XOM's bday. I called - we chatted for about 10 minutes. Nothing of importance really - talked about what plans we had for the weekend, told him about my show coming up (which he said he wants to come to), told me he got that new job. No biggie, right? But of course, I let that conversation consume the rest of my day...replaying it over and over and over again in my head.

Anywho - feeling a little better by Saturday. Had a nice day w/H. Then around 2am, my cell phone rang. It woke me up and I went downstairs to check in case it was a friend who needed a ride home from the bar, or something. I didn't recognize the number - it was an out of state area code. The person didn't leave a message, so I figured it was a wrong number. Then it rang again. I let it go to VM, and again no message, so I called it back. It rang once and then XOM picked up. I hung up. He called right back, but I didn't answer. Again, no message.

What the hell??? He is in CA celebrating his bday w/ his friends. Why call me? And at 2am?? It can't be a booty call(as the last 2 midnite phone calls were - or so he said), because he's in another state! I'm so confused. He tells me he no longer has feelings for me (except for sexual), but then plays these games with me. I know I shouldn't have called him on Friday, as it just reopened the door for him to contact me. What should I do now?

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 4:32pm
hi there Diva--

Maybe your cell phone company can block calls from him, but that won't help when he calls from out of state! What the heck??!!!

As I recall, he is in his mid-20s, right? He probably has some strong feelings for you, which is causing him to make these crazy calls (remember the phone calls we made in our mid-20s??). I think it might be time for you to get tough in your communication style. Put away your "trying to be nice" voice and tell him in clear terms that he cannot call you anymore. Tell him it's over, it will never be again. Words along those lines that will make it clear.

I have the tendency to be the "nice girl" -- never want to hurt anyone's feelings. But that's why I end up sending mixed messages without meaning to do so. Could that be happening in your case?

Meg

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 5:32pm

"What should I do now?"


You should let those calls to VM and any others you don't know.


And turn your phone to silent at night or OFF. Any of your friends at bars needing a ride can either call your home # or call a cab.


If you happen to answer your cell and xOM is on the other end simply state "it's over, do NOT call anymore" and then hang up. Eventually he will stop calling. They always do if all they're looking for is sex.......sad yet true.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 5:41pm
Change your cell phone number. Its the only way to guarantee he won't call.

I did that about 3 weeks after exMM left, and I wish I'd done it sooner. Not b/c he called, but b/c I kept waiting for the stupid phone to ring. Now I don't have that worry, and it felt better immediately after I did it.