I still don't listen to music

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
I still don't listen to music
Fri, 09-21-2012 - 1:55pm

My phone broke in May and I have yet to put all my favourite songs on my new one.

I miss listening to music (I walk to work, 40 minutes)

But I am probably better off since music *still* makes me so emotional.


I realized that I am thinking about him a little more this week.  I am pretty overwhelmed at work (probably why I am here right now, need a break!) and he used to be the thing I thought of if I had other stuff I didn't want to think about, does that make sense?  Of course, thinking about him, to make me feel better, is not working so well any more!

One the one hand I am very proud of myself for not caving.  I am 99% sure he would be happy to hear from me.

But it does bug me that I still give him too much headspace this far out.

I have always had mood issues in September for some reason and it is cool and rainy here today which is not helping.

So, posting in here today, instead of doing anything, um, dumb.

I know I won't.  I am too far out and too much healed.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Fri, 09-21-2012 - 2:55pm
Hey Rainy....sorry you're feeling a little down today.

I have the same problem with giving Xmm too much headspace. He's in my head everyday....his "ghost" still lingers in my home, at the beach I drive by every day on my way to work, in my office and yes even in the music I listen too.

I'm not sure if they will ever be completely gone from our thoughts but the good thing is we are not caving in and reaching out to them.

Sending ((HUGS)) your way

The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
Fri, 09-21-2012 - 3:16pm

Music really gets me too... but I listen all day. I have been 'enjoying' the pain of xap memories if I can explain that! It has been a welcome replacement for the hurt of some other things I have going on. Does it make sense? I am not sure. Why don't I replace anxious/depressed thoughts with HAPPY thoughts? Why do I replace one sadness with another? It is oddly comforting to fantasize and get depressed over xap. So odd. I just posted over on AYA in fact about the fact that I still think and daydream too much this far out.

You and I are timeline buddies, Rain. We ended last May and it was last I ever saw him. I am not over it totally. And music really, really gets me. Chin up, hope you have a good weekend and you came to the right place to share.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Fri, 09-21-2012 - 3:55pm


Sorry you're feeling a little blue.  I, too, remember not being able to listen to music for a while...that's how I knew I was depressed...when I had no music in my heart.  Then as I started to heal more, my heart started to open to music again, but because music with lyrics was still touch and go, I stuck to my classical music for a while.

Here's a (((HUG)))...sometimes we are in a blue mood and sometimes we can't pinpoint why...it's just combination of stuff...hormones, weather, stray thoughts, maybe changing of the seasons.

I know you won't do anything dump either for the very same reason...you are too far out and too much healed. And you wouldn't do that to you're ole pal, Clarity.

How about a little static shock therapy?  Static Shock

Avatar for happyasme
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2012
Fri, 09-21-2012 - 5:27pm
Hugs (((Rain))), I get how the cool rainy weather can get you in a blue mood. September is a little hard for me in the xAP department. Its when I started the A and when I ended it for good. I try to wear bright sunny colors when it rains.

Music.... I cried over many songs during and after the A. I changed the meanings of the lyrics to make them empowering songs when I could and when I couldn't I changed radio stations.

There is this one song that I have not dared listen to since the beginning of the A. I had a fender bender crying my eye balls out a few weeks into the A. Its also the song I cried over when things ended as xBF 20+ years. I don't think I'll ever want to hear that song again.
Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Sat, 09-22-2012 - 6:02pm


I've been on an extended vacation/trip and had been thinking along the same lines as you.  Difference is I keep all my music on my phone and play it through the car radio.  I have been wondering when her ringtone was going to play. ;-)  Sooner or later it has to come up.  Silly I know, but I don't delete it because it was a favorite of mine before I became involved with her.  Tough song, too.............."Stay". 

Today I downloaded another bunch (about 50 albums) from a friend, so it may never come around on random play. ;-)


There comes a time, when you realize that you have too much invested in being NC for too long, and you can't go back. 

Way too much mind-time, yeah it's a problem, but sooner or later it will wear off.

Keep the faith. Keep hanging in there.

Rather.............who is in the land of "you-all".

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Sat, 09-22-2012 - 6:04pm
Oh RBM......

That was my song for Xmm.....you're right, very tough song.
The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.