I still have my NC--even after 5 calls!
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| Fri, 10-15-2004 - 12:42pm |
This 29 days has been so hard. I have woken up many days and felt like dying. But it does seem to be a little better.
So he called me 5 times yesterday and I did not answer my cell phone. I got 5 messages which in summary were:
1. He is in so much pain, he suffers, he thinks of me every second of every day, stabbed in the heart etc. etc. (NO WORDS ABOUT MY PAIN)
2. Only one sentence in five messages "I live in a world of responsibility" (CODE FOR I WILL NOT LEAVE MY WIFE AND KIDS FOR YOU
3. We need to move on, let go, and he knows I will find a nice man who will love me as much as he does (gag)
4. Goodbye--I will always love you, you have the most profound effect on me of any person in my whole life, I will never stop loving you, I miss you think of you dream of you you are the most beautiful woman in the world.
THE END Since I have heard all these words a million times but he never takes any action for me, none of this got to me EXCEPT his voice on the last message sounded so sad.
But he called only to have ME COMFORT HIM
And I am tired of comforting him. I need to get better. I have suffered much more than him because my whole life has changed since the divorce and he still lives in his cozy marital world.
I am so glad I did not break the NC for that call!
Even though I still love him I can see now that he never will take any action and I don't want his crumbs anymore--it hurts me too much.

You sound like you're doing GREAT! Congrats!!!!
I know this hurts, but he DOESN'T MEAN IT. He cannot love you as much as he says and still stay with his W. Its not possible. I had to accept that the fact that my exMM went back to his family meant he didn't REALLY love me...or love me enough. That hurt, after all I'd shared with him and showed him of myself, and all we'd said to each other. But its the truth, and its helped me move on.
Even for argument's sake, say he does truly love you...IT DOESN'T MATTER. He's made his choice. Sounds like he's still trying to have it both ways. Good for you not to fall for that.
I too have felt like dying SO many times. I was doing great for a while but the past few days have been really really hard. Temptation to call or email exMM is high. Thank you for some added inspiration NOT to give into that temptation!
Go get a massage or something that makes you feel good now.
Wishing you continued strength and lots of happiness for the near future!
xo!
Dipss
It was great to read your post! Congratulations! There is so much power in the support we get from others on this board; simply having you tell your story on this board gives so many other people strength. Five calls unanswered is a huge accomplishment!
Have a great weekend, everyone!!!
Meg
I have been trying to reply to you all day! Every time I start to, somebody comes and bugs me at work. I just wanted to tell you what an inspiration for you! I am so proud for you!!! That must have been so tough to hear those messages and not respond.
"And I am tired of comforting him. I need to get better. I have suffered much more than him because my whole life has changed since the divorce and he still lives in his cozy marital world. "
You obviously are going to be successful at moving past this because you are READY to take the steps you need to get better. You must be very strong and very smart. Keep us posted on your awesome progress.
Lily