I don't hate my xap either. I don't think he's an awful person. I do think he did genuinely care about me and I cared about him. We were two people who got caught up in it. We were
Move over, sista, and make room in that boat for me, too!!
I don't hate or even dislike my xap, either. We weren't in a love affair, we never made any promises to each other, we never spoke about our marriages or spouses. We were just incredibly in awe, excited and horny after not having seen each other in 20 years.
Um, have you - like_ read any of my posts?? I think my xAP is just dandy, all things considered. That said, do I want to have a R with him? No. Even if I were single and he too? No. Do I think he's damaged and flawed? Yes. As am I right now.
I'm not going to slam you at all. Dishing hate and negativity towards your xAP constantly is only going to eat us up alive. The true answer lies in us and dealing with our actions and who we are. Not who xAP is.
I do dish on my xAP. But in the big picture he's a good man, an excellent dad, a devoted employee. He has a wide circle of friends and is very well respected and known in his city. I can recognize all that, yet I know who he is under the trappings of what he presents to everyone else. But hey, don't we all have skeletons in our closet. None of us are perfect. It took 2 to tango in affairland.
I think sometimes the dishing helps us get past the pain and hurt. It's ok to get mad and angry. It serves us as fuel to hopefully see the affair for what it was. Acknowledging the bad behavior, from both sides, helps us move on out of the fog.
I do not hate my xAP. I don't think he harbors ill feelings against me. I found out he was not that knight in shining armor I built him up to be all those years. I'm sure I didn't live up to who he thought I was. But in the end, we both are still good people who really screwed up and made some awful decisions for 3 long years.
PG, you may need to go NC for a while to purge him from your system. I'm reading some warm fuzzies in your post. While I think it's okay not to hate your xap or wish evil upon him, I do NOT think it's okay to be "excited every weekday when I know I will see him." This is not healthy for you and will not help you get over and past the A. I believe these thoughts and feelings are keeping you tethered to him or at the very least, some romantic idea you have about him. That, my dear, is not healthy and will hinder your ability to heal and get to the reasons why you got involved in
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PG,
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~Iddy~
I don't hate my xap either. I don't think he's an awful person. I do think he did genuinely care about me and I cared about him. We were two people who got caught up in it. We were
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Move over, sista, and make room in that boat for me, too!!
I don't hate or even dislike my xap, either. We weren't in a love affair, we never made any promises to each other, we never spoke about our marriages or spouses. We were just incredibly in awe, excited and horny after not having seen each other in 20 years.
(((I not only miss the idea of him,
~~Serenity~~
Better than a thousand hollow words is one word that brings peace. ---Buddha
Um, have you - like_ read any of my posts??
I think my xAP is just dandy, all things considered. That said, do I want to have a R with him? No. Even if I were single and he too? No. Do I think he's damaged and flawed? Yes. As am I right now.
What is your point?
Dee
I'm not going to slam you at all. Dishing hate and negativity towards your xAP constantly is only going to eat us up alive.
The true answer lies in us and dealing with our actions and who we are. Not who xAP is.
I do dish on my xAP. But in the big picture he's a good man, an excellent dad, a devoted employee. He has a wide circle of friends and is very well respected and known in his city. I can recognize all that, yet I know who he is under the trappings of what he presents to everyone else. But hey, don't we all have skeletons in our closet. None of us are perfect. It took 2 to tango in affairland.
I think sometimes the dishing helps us get past the pain and hurt. It's ok to get mad and angry. It serves us as fuel to hopefully see the affair for what it was. Acknowledging the bad behavior, from both sides, helps us move on out of the fog.
I do not hate my xAP. I don't think he harbors ill feelings against me. I found out he was not that knight in shining armor I built him up to be all those years. I'm sure I didn't live up to who he thought I was. But in the end, we both are still good people who really screwed up and made some awful decisions for 3 long years.
Thanks for all your responses.
So, obviously the challenge for me (seeing him all the time) is not giving in to the temptation that is always there.
PG, you may need to go NC for a while to purge him from your system. I'm reading some warm fuzzies in your post. While I think it's okay not to hate your xap or wish evil upon him, I do NOT think it's okay to be "excited every weekday when I know I will see him." This is not healthy for you and will not help you get over and past the A. I believe these thoughts and feelings are keeping you tethered to him or at the very least, some romantic idea you have about him. That, my dear, is not healthy and will hinder your ability to heal and get to the reasons why you got involved in
Pages