I think I am falling apart!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2004
I think I am falling apart!
7
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 11:05pm
Hello to all - this is my first posting online ever! Read many of your discussions for help and support and it has helped me a lot. Am separated from H, had a 3 month affair that was wonderful, can't get over it now. Work with the guy, too, and it is so hard. We are friends - painful friends, I would say. He was separated also, is now getting back with his wife. I am in pain, remorse, feeling like I ruined my whole life. Never, ever, thought this would happen to me or that I would do this. My H and I will divorce eventually - it is over, we don't speak. I feel okay with that, but where do I go from here? I know the pain will pass, but it isn't! Should I change jobs to get away from him to give me time to heal??
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 10-11-2004 - 11:16pm
HI Be

Changing jobs is a big decision no one can make for you, your going to have to balance the benefits against the loses of quitting your job, if you can do as well somewere else then maybe it is the thing to do but only you can decide.

Were both you and the XMM separated at the time you started the relationship or did it cause the separation(s)??

KNOW THAT YOU WILL SERVIVE ,you will get past this and be OK.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2004
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 9:49am
Thanks for your reply. XMM was separated at the time, but it caused my STBX to leave. We had been married for 24 years, lots of problems though, communication was at an all-time low, I was growing away from him - going back to school, etc.

I have been on my own with my kids since then and doing pretty good - it has been hard, but we are doing okay. Except for me emotionally and mentally - ha!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 10:09am
Beeya

24 years is a lot of history to through away, any hope of MC or any sort of third party intervention.

If you go the divorce route and if you have not hired the lawyers yet look into using a moderator as a first choice, they make things less confrontational and can help people talk in a civil way, there also cheaper.

Good luck

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2004
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 10:22am
Free -

Thanks for the advice regarding a moderator. I have a lawyer, we are trying to get a disillusionment, but working real slowly at it.

STBX has gone to counseling but I haven't - too afraid? Maybe. When I go over everything in my mind that we have been through, I just don't know if we could ever make it work...I think it is over. Major loss though - for me it is also losing all of his family - mine are gone. It's been like a going through a death for me.

Beeya

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 10:36am
Be

One peace of advice I would give anyone in your situation is don't let FEAR make your decisions for you, it has real bad judgement. The fact that your hubby is going to counciling may suggest that he is more open to change then you may think.

Fear and PRIDE are poor things to lose your life over, I hope you will reconsider.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 12:35pm
Beeya,

We all say the same thing,"never ever thought this would happen to me, or that I would do something like this". When there are voids in our lives specially at home all it takes is a little attention from someone else and BANG your hooked. Samething that happened to me and when it was over for me I said that same exact phrase. I am sorry to hear abut you and your H. The only thing I can tell you is that time heals all wounds. Takes a while but you eventually get past all the hurt. Focus in your strength to get you through your tough road ahead. Post to this board when feeling down and out, it helps soooo much. As far as your working situation with OM. NO CONTACT is so important and seeing him everyday is only a grim reminder of all the bad things that are happening to you right now. The decision has to come from you.

Good Luck

Here if u need me....

Ladybug

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2004
Tue, 10-12-2004 - 5:22pm
Ladybug

Thanks so much for your reply. It has helped me so much to read the posts on this board - I had felt like I was the only one feeling like this - how wrong could I have been?! It is just such a struggle to stay strong and not fall apart - one day I feel pretty good, then the next I am crying over everything and feeling like packing my bags and flying away from everyone and everything - which of course I cannot and would not do.

But it is really tough.

And as far as cutting off contact with OM - it can't happen right now. Besides working with him, I also have a class with him twice a week.

But I will hang in here.

Thanks again -

beeya