I think I hate today.
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I think I hate today.
| Mon, 02-28-2011 - 10:15am |
I knew the weekday was going to be the hardest. I hate this. I hate him...I hate me...I hate this mess I got myself into. I am a better person than this. I would never have let someone treat me this way in my pre affair life. I am so exhausted. I think about him all the time and I know I should go do something..but it doesn't help. How long does this last?

Rather than sit there and beat yourself (because I've been there and know all it does is spiral you into why you suck) find someone to serve today. I don't care if it's a neighbor, some stranger, your kids teacher - SOMEONE. Take five extra minutes and write 2 emails to people you haven't told how much they mean to you (we all like getting those), pay it forward and buy the person behind you's lunch, make cookies for a neighbor - do something outside of yourself. It's hard to feel crappy about doing something nice for someone else. These initial days and weeks of NC will be filled with pity moments where you beat yourself up - after all it's a fact that we women (and enders as a species) take on ALL of the blame of the A - even if he was a jerk.
Because so much time and effort has been spent on xAP - you need to resaturate your routine with other things to give yourself an internal high-5. Clean your house, make a special dinner, renew a hobby, play an instrument, take up a common interest with H or Kids, Find some way to serve others (you'll be amazed at how well that works) - You must refocus your energies into things that deserve to grow -
Many hugs and much love,
******************************
Daisy,
Breathe, my dear. Ending an A is a long, drawn out process, honey, and you've only just begun. Take Lolly's advice and THEN start planning stuff every day for at least a week. When we busy our minds/bodies with RL plans/events/responsibilites, there is little room left over for XAP to rent space in your head. Eventually you will be able to evict him and all his baggage, but first you have to be kind and gentle toward yourself for a while. It's going to take several weeks before your emotions start to even out...so try to be patient and remember, one hour, and one day at a time.
((Hugs))