I think I know the reason for A
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I think I know the reason for A
| Fri, 11-05-2004 - 10:53am |
Last fall I did something I always wanted to do. It sound shallow, but it was something I wanted for so many years. I had some work done (upper body). I felt great after that and I was so confident about myself and felt so sexy. I have never gotten so many complements just bc my attitude had totally changed. My husband noticed instantly. I never felt sexy before no matter what I did or what my husband said and it caused alot of our sexual problems. I was very insecure about that one thing on my body and when I had it done I was a new person. I would have never had an A if I had not had it done. It totally changed me. I did things I look back on now and am embarrassed about what I did. All I cared about was what I looked like and how tan I could get and was basically living out my early 20's like we all did but I never did back then. When we started to hang out with these friends (XMM) he was totally in to me. I have never had a guy be that into me and wanted me so bad in my life. It was like he was obsessed with me and my body. I loved that and fed on that for 9 months. He kept telling me I was too good for him and how could a person like me want him. He didn't know how insecure I was before the surgery so to me he was just my speed. I know all this sounds so shallow but I really know in my heart that I would have never had the confident to carry on an A and to show some someone else beside my h how insecure I was. I let it go to my head. So here I am now and I do feel different - My XMM brought out a side to me I didn't know existed. (sexually, of course) I felt so sexy and I knew he was so into me and I loved it. Sometime I get scared and wonder if that is the new me and this is how I am now. I can't go back to feeling insecure about that part of me anymore so where do I stand. I know I need to feel sexy with my h but I just don't feel the same sexual vibe with him versus my XMM. Am I just going to go on with life just not ever feeling that way again. There is so much to marriage beside sex. We have a great relationship other than that. We have sex alot but its just really to please him and I just don't want to fight. I hate that I had that with my XMM and I really liked that person. Now my self confident has gone down again bc we did end it and he didn't want to talk to me that last time I called him. I am back at loving my husband and being the way I was before the surgery (insecure but for other reasons, now)but I do miss the other feelings.

I've been following your story and am proud of you for finally looking inside yourself for the answers you so desperately seek.
I don't think getting a boob job is shallow at all. People have to do whatever it is that will make them feel better about themselves, and if getting work done helps you feel more confident and comfortable in your skin, then more power to ya, sister!
As far as the XMM making you feel vibrant and sexy, well that's part of the allure of an affair. You were able to be someone new and exciting with the new guy. Well, ya know what? You can still be new and exciting with your husband. You just need to put yourself in that sexy mindset on a regular basis. Below is a website for an ebook that I highly recommend to you, and every other woman on this board. Purchase, read and use this book as your bible in your relationship with your husband. It's called 'Men Made Easy-How to Get What You Want From Your Man' by Kara Oh, and she gives some incredible advice.
www.menmadeeasy.com
Let me know what you think. Good luck,
fresh