I think I may have found the trick!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2009
I think I may have found the trick!
3
Tue, 10-20-2009 - 4:05pm

I feel like I've been struggling for months with getting over this whole thing (basically since January). I quit my job to do the right thing and focus on my family. I loved my job and it really was perfect for me. I spent too much time wallowing in self-pity in what I had lost. I kept on thinking that I lost the perfect job and I would never find another one like it in this economy. I worked so hard for it and blah, blah, blah.

I was down pretty often about things. I found that I got much of my self-confidence from my job and my position. I loved to tell people what I did and I always got the reaction I looked for when I did.

I think I finally figured out what I needed to do and it took me months to get to this point. I found that I wasn't busy at home and wasn't getting the satisfaction at home that I got with my job. Then I thought about what made me happy with my job and it was often feeling valued and I really enjoyed feeling a sense of accomplishment with the projects I worked on. I started thinking what things would I feel a sense of accomplishment on at home? I would like to have a more personal relationship with God, I would feel happy and proud if my house was decluttered, I would feel successful if my children were successful in school, it would be amazing if I could run for 30 minutes on the treadmill without stopping, I would like to get closer to new and old friends. I made new goals for myself.

Some of these were not things that I enjoyed doing while I was doing them, but the sense of accomplishment at the end was amazing. Honestly, it has been hard to get my son to study more and we study everyday now even if he doesn't have homework. We do flashcards almost every night and even pre-study for his spelling pre-test.

So now I can say I can run 45 minutes on the treadmill without stopping, I am in a Bible study that is really interesting and I'm making sure my children go to Sunday School and talk about God more often, my son missed three on his first math test and one on the last math test (they said he should go to summer school last summer because of math), he wrote in Sunday School all the things that he was good at and one of them was math!, I make sure I get together for lunch with friends at least 2-3 times per week, my house is much more organized and you know what...it feels awesome!

I put these things off because I didn't really enjoy doing some of them, but boy when they were done it felt wonderful. It sucks running for 45 minutes, but I am so proud of myself when I'm done I'm practically in tears because I haven't done that since high school. No one needs to tell me that I'm awesome or that I've done a good job because I now have my own sense of accomplishment. People say all the time to work on yourself and I didn't really know what to do to accomplish that and I think I have finally figured it out!!

The other trick I've noticed for me is to stay busy. I need to be busy and have things to do and to think about. So I've also become more involved in volunteering at school. I think of things that will give me a sense of accomplishment and just do them even if it is not my favorite thing to do and it always feels good at the end when I've accomplished my goal.

Some days are still hard and I pray that my xAP doesn't contact me because that always sends me in a tailspin even if I don't respond. I know things are still fragile and I do have some bad days, but I really feel like I'm back on the right path. Life is good and it is actually better than it has been in a long time and so is my marriage!

Please have hope that if you stay on track things do get better! It just takes time and truly working on yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Wed, 10-21-2009 - 4:01pm

Hi luv,


Big ups to you!!!

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2009
Wed, 10-21-2009 - 10:04pm

Thank you empowerment so much. I still have my struggles and things are still day-by-day, but if I put it all together I know that I'm in a much better place than I was earlier this year. It took me a very long time to figure out what I needed to do to get to that place. I'm doing so much better, but it is amazing to me that after all this time I can still have really bad days. I wonder if it has to do with soul searching and that some of this brings back very difficult memories from my past of being used. Oh, how I struggle with the past some days.

Anyway, tonight I ran around my neighborhood literally in circles with my neighbor because my husband is out of town. So we kept the kids in a cul-de-sac by her house and ran around the block for 30 minutes. :-) Last night I ran on the treadmill. My son is in afternoon AK so in the winter it might be helpful to join a gym, but I'm not sure we want to spend that money right now. I've only gone twice this week and I'm afraid I won't keep it up this winter, but my intentions are very good. Unfortunately, the treadmill is very boring! Let me know if you have any suggestions. :-) I really want to keep it up.

I just want you to know you have such a gift of words and writing. I know you spend countless hours on this site helping so many different people. I just wanted you to know it is greatly appreciated. You are truly amazing! :-) Thank you so much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Thu, 10-22-2009 - 1:26pm

Hi luv,


<< but it is amazing to me that after all this time I can still have really bad days. I wonder if it has to do with soul searching and that some of this brings back very difficult memories from my past of being used. Oh, how I struggle with the past some days.>>


I think in part it is just life—having some good and some bad days.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.