I think I need help
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| Thu, 12-02-2010 - 12:51am |
This is a good place to be for me right now. I know I need to talk to people who can understand. The circumstances surrounding this A are quite unusual and I could justify it over and over to myself and others but I know that overall, an A is an A and it's wrong.
I can't share details for fear of being discovered, but I'm in a very hurtful situation - the hearbreak is going to happen soon and the A will be over. I know many of you have done the brave NC thing on your own and I commend you for it. My A will end because my AP and I have no choice for it to end. I'm not as strong as many of you. I should have ended it on my own many months ago but did not. Now because of life circumstances the A will be no longer and we will have little contact in the very near future -- HOWEVER our lives are tied together forever so I know I will see him with his wife down the road. I fear for that day.
I've thought of going to therapy because, and I hate to admit this, this is not my first A. I should have learned from the first one but apparently, I'm a glutton for punishment. I wonder what it is about me that keeps getting into situations where I am not the leading lady and I have to settle for bread crumbs. Why don't I think I deserve better? I tell myself I deserve better but I don't listen to that voice.

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It's 5 am n I should be asleep. Welcome to EAS. I say that with some caution. Only because we are a board for Enders. Based on your post, I can not tell that you are going to end your A. I am hoping you are and you do not have your grand finale in any way shape or form. I have been on this board for almost a year now. N I have seen people with a similar scenario. These little final goodbyes never go quite as planned and they only hurt you more in the long run.
Should you make a decision to end your A, you are are in the very best place you could be. Between that and a T, you can figure out the answers to your questions regarding your A's. And if it makes ya feel better, I have had several A's myself. This year has been a long journey. Not about my exAp, but instead about me and why I accepted so little for so long. What got me into this?
I can relate to the sex things you stated too. Just to let you know, we have posters here who have never engaged in any sexual behavior with their ExAp's. So your situation is not a's unique as one might think.
You have posted a well written post and it seems your very cognizant that you need to get out of this. We can help you. We do a very good job of it too. If you have been lurking then you know we are an amazing group of men and women who genuinely care for one another, support one another, and fully understand all that you go thru. I am hoping something I write stops you from that last meeting...why hurt yourself anymore? Why let him touch you again? Are those few moments of pleasure worth how awful you feel after the fact? That icky feeling...you know what I am talking about...not to mention he obviously views you as less than....he saves penetration for his wife...are you going to feel like you are just as significant as her somehow if he were to actually bestow such an "honor" upon you?
The entire A is addicting...not just the sex...you get ur high during all interaction...
You have the power to stop this and get clean should you wish to. You can cancel plans...make yourself unavailable. You can stop this TODAY. You don't need circumstances to end it. You can. Its not easy but doable...
You are stronger than you may think you are...we are not superhuman....we all came here just like you did, thinking we could not do NC, thinking we would be in pain forever, praying for answers and assistance because we just could not carry the torture and humiliation any further...but we did it, and you can too.
I don't mind which way your A ends...as long as it does. I hope you do not disappear but rather end your A and join us. You will not be disappointed.
Cancel those weekend plans and create new ones with us and the people in your real life who care about you. Otherwise, you will continue to feel like u have been and regardless if how great the sex is, I know that feeling is just horrific. Lets get you where you truly want to and need to be....
We are here waiting, please let us know
I will be thinking of you.
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Sunshine,
My advice is NOT to give this man all of you. Let this A end with some dignity still left. His feeling extreme guilt afterwards is a good possibility too, and I can guarantee that you will feel like crap (emotionally) once the deed is done.Your high will last for a day or two and then you will crash and burn.
When you have ended your A we will be here to help you. In the mean time, read everything you can on this site, and I do agree that therapy is a good idea. You are using affairs as band-aids for something else out of balance within you.
Until then,
Sunshine,
Welcome?
Regardless of circumstances, your A will end ONLY when you are ready to end it. I’ve seen posters hang on to the fantasy long after the A was over. Staying stuck in a cycle of agony.
Please stop giving away your power and allowing yourself to stay stuck in victim thinking. Stop waiting for life or circumstances to change the dynamics of your situation. Stop waiting for life to “do” this or that “to you.” As long as we can find someone or something to blame for our situation then we don’t have to take ownership in our choices.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
HIJACK so sorry
E-1,
I have missed you so. So sorry about the passing of your dad. I lost mine to cancer 5 years ago and I miss him so.
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Hi Sunshine,
Welcome to EAS.
Hello Sunshine!
MC
Sunshine,
I love your name!
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