I think I need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2010
I think I need help
18
Thu, 12-02-2010 - 12:51am

This is a good place to be for me right now. I know I need to talk to people who can understand. The circumstances surrounding this A are quite unusual and I could justify it over and over to myself and others but I know that overall, an A is an A and it's wrong.

I can't share details for fear of being discovered, but I'm in a very hurtful situation - the hearbreak is going to happen soon and the A will be over. I know many of you have done the brave NC thing on your own and I commend you for it. My A will end because my AP and I have no choice for it to end. I'm not as strong as many of you. I should have ended it on my own many months ago but did not. Now because of life circumstances the A will be no longer and we will have little contact in the very near future -- HOWEVER our lives are tied together forever so I know I will see him with his wife down the road. I fear for that day.

I've thought of going to therapy because, and I hate to admit this, this is not my first A. I should have learned from the first one but apparently, I'm a glutton for punishment. I wonder what it is about me that keeps getting into situations where I am not the leading lady and I have to settle for bread crumbs. Why don't I think I deserve better? I tell myself I deserve better but I don't listen to that voice.

Love, Sunshine Dedicated to living my new life with integrity, truth and positive thoughts! I am worthy of true love and definitely worth the wait!

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Thu, 12-02-2010 - 4:13pm

Hi and Welcome.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Thu, 12-02-2010 - 4:56pm

Hi Sunshine and welcome!

So many great things have already been said to you and I agree with them!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Thu, 12-02-2010 - 5:41pm

Thank you Luvin,

I give you permission to HI-JACK a post especially to send a message to me…(says E1 that is in the IV Hall of Fame for most post hi-jacks on record). Thank you for your very kind, thoughtful and encouraging posts.

My dad was a deeply flawed man but I do believe he did the best job of being a father that he knew how to do. I had already forgiven him and accepted him for who he was and not who I wanted him to be long before he passed away.

The work that I did on myself after the A helped me deal with a lot of baggage with regards to both of my adoptive parents. Today I’m very thankful that I did that work back then. I cannot imagine how much more grief it would add if also had all of that to deal with now.

I’m at peace with it all and that helps tremendously.

Thank you to all that have shown your love and support to me. It means more than any words I could possible conjure up to express it

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2010
Thu, 12-02-2010 - 11:56pm
Renew, aw thank you so much for your message and for understanding and not judging me. Your message was kind but also very clear and made me really think.

Love, Sunshine Dedicated to living my new life with integrity, truth and positive thoughts! I am worthy of true love and definitely worth the wait!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2010
Thu, 12-02-2010 - 11:58pm
Heartache, thanks for your words and your advice. I am thinking about what all of you wonderful people have said and it's helping me. I will keep you posted.
Love, Sunshine Dedicated to living my new life with integrity, truth and positive thoughts! I am worthy of true love and definitely worth the wait!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2010
Fri, 12-03-2010 - 12:01am
Luvin,
Thank you for your message and your words of wisdom and encouragement. I am diving deep in thought about everything and I hear all of you. I am going to try my best to make the right decision and will keep you posted.
Love, Sunshine Dedicated to living my new life with integrity, truth and positive thoughts! I am worthy of true love and definitely worth the wait!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2010
Fri, 12-03-2010 - 12:02am

Iddy

how right you are. He shouldn't be able to touch me again. I know this...and I will do the best i can to do the right thing for myself. I so appreciate this board and so glad I was able to talk to people who understand.

Love, Sunshine Dedicated to living my new life with integrity, truth and positive thoughts! I am worthy of true love and definitely worth the wait!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Fri, 12-03-2010 - 7:52am
Sweetie, we definitely understand. My A was VERY sexual for 4.5 years. But you know what? Even that burns out over time. I decided one day that Xmm was never going to touch me again and stayed true to my decision. Because we work together, I then had to disengage all of the other feelings I had. It took a couple of years, but I never let him know how I was struggling. I had this board and my adult children to help me through it. He was not a secret to them, but I was just someone he worked with to his family and friends. I was broken for a very long time but now, six years later, I am at indifference. Realizing I had done this to myself was a wake up call that I had self worth issues that needed attention. My journey has been all about learning to love myself again and how important setting boundaries are.

((Hugs))
Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha

Pages