I thought I was soo beyond this point...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2003
I thought I was soo beyond this point...
4
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 4:02pm
After 8 months of NC I heard from OM. It started off fine. Just an I'm sorry, I miss you kind of thing. At first I felt great. Like I could put all the ugliness behind us and we could be friendly and maybe the whole 2 year (almost) thing would not have been for nothing. But he began telling me how much he has always loved me and needed me and he hopes that we can help each other get our lives together and make another try. I told him that I wasn't able to do that. That I had nothing to really off right now because I am still working through alot of things. Well the "I love ya's" kept coming. And then bam....not a word from him in several days. I know he owes me nothing but it still hurts. After this same old song and dance it still burns. I have missed him everyday for months now, that it started not to feel like anything at all. Now all of a sudden I am wondering what he is up too, what his story is, why after 2 years on and off together was he so willing to start with the "I love you's"? If it is the sex he is after, I am sure he could find any number of willing partners--he is extremely good looking and talented ;} I think with that first look from him I have been cursed!!!

Ugghhhh!!!

Karry

Karry - - who is learning to embrace life on her own raising her miracle, Carley Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 4:35pm
Hugs Karry, as I'm finding out today, I guess we can't put an ending date on our healing process! I guess I should be careful what I wish for -- I've been wishing to hear firsthand from my xMM about his big move, when in reality, that would probably just open up a whole new can of worms, like you're experiencing now!!

Clearly, we both need to stick to No Contact!!!!! Hang in there.

xo,

K.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 5:11pm
It has been 3 weeks for me--I received a few emails from him today. Initially, he never wanted to try the friendship route, but now he says he'd like to give it try. He says it's better than nothing, but I'm not so sure anymore. When I try and remember if we indeed did have a friendship to begin with, I can't conjure up any recent or past memories. All that comes to mind is, the flirting, sexual innuendo, sensual teasing--but a friendship? Nope. Nothing comes up. So, the request is an interesting one to me.

In the past, when I would mention to him of the importance of the promises we made to our spouses--he says some promises are not meant to be kept, but that he strives for peace in his relationship. Hum? Okay. Whatever. So, in other words, lie to keep the peace, and your marriage intact? A-n-d, I'm suppose to now trust him? I don't think so.

I also thought I was "soo beyond this point," but when I received the emails today, filled with the "I love you's," it too had an effect on me. So, just know you are not alone in your feelings. Do I have any answers? No. I'm sorry I don't, but I do know that I can no longer continue with an EA with my xMM, and that's it. I don't like the fact that a man with 2 adorable innocent little children and a beautiful wife at home can talk to me like he's a bachelor, and have not one ounce of guilt for doing it. He doesn't feel he's betraying his wife nor his children, and this is the man I am supposedly in love with? Wow--reality check time for me. Thanks for letting me rant. I know I sound bitter--sorry about that--all of this can be so emotionally exhausting for me. ~ifm

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 9:03pm
HI Ladies

With some of these cheating MM it is not just about SEX but is as much about POWER as an EGO pleaser, they like to know that they can still twist up your emotions at will, then just come and go as they please.

I for one do not believe these relationships such as they are are based on real friendship or genuine love on the part of "MOST" of these men sorry to have to say that but I believe it to be true.

TOTAL NO CONTACT IS THE BEST WAY TO GO AND MAYBE THE ONLY WAY FOR MANY WOMEN, if they want to be free of this situation and these men.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 10:20am
I agree with Free NC is the only way. I have tried NC before and failed, but it is becaues we started to try to be friends and that always led to more. If you are like me, A bring more misery than good times, although the good times are actually great times, they are not worth it. Be strong and keep up the NC. GL