I thought I would recieve support

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
I thought I would recieve support
8
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 1:41pm
I wrote out my A and needed support in the fact that we had to end it. I expressed that I am going to file for a Divorce from my husband because I betrayed him and I need to start over regardless if my OM gets one or not - It was very hard for me to come to this board and not just read all the stories - but actually put mine to words for advice and support - but I got one response (and I dont mean this in a bad way mefreenow). I would have thought that because I was new here people would be really supportive!! I dont have anyone I can talk to about what is happening to me.

I have so much more to tell and I have such a long way to go - we broke the NC after 7 days - He called and I went to "our house" - We missed eachother and the love that was coming from his face made me secretly happy and at the same time because he is the one that feels most guilty - I felt stronger, like I knew that I was going to get over this and I was not going to think about a future with him until after we got divorces - and even then, there was no guarenty. I stayed the night, but all we did was hold eachother - spoon.....he wispered that he missed me and we went to sleep. No Kisses, just held eachother - and this morning, I got up- got ready for work, he woke up, we had a cigarette, and we gave eachother a long hug (once again we refrained from kissing)and we wished eachother a good day. We know that we had to or are trying to end the affair - should I just stay away??? We are married to other people - but even if we have not ever said the words I love you - we do. We both are torn. Our Circle of friends is so close, even if I or he files for divorce by the end of the year, we all will still see eachother during the Holidays - its not possible to have NC - but alone together time...that is what we are struggling with. I know he is going to call me today - in his half sleep he wispered that he would like to see me tomorrow(today!!) earlier than I had seen him last night. Are we just hurting ourselves - we both want to be together so badly but we know its wrong - we could have so easily made love - but we knew that we could not. What do I do about tonight!!

Thanks -

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2003
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 2:08pm
Hi Anna, You did come to the right board but at times during the day its really slow here and there are alot of people who are at work so can only read. I will try to answer your question first and formost I do not sugar coat anything. You asked weather you are just hurting yourselves well, Only you can answer that truthfully. Can you keep up with this affair that is bringing you happiness one moment and major grief the next? I my self did for a very long time. Why because I was so consumed with the moment and the fufillment it brought me. I see that in your case. You keep saying its wrong but yet we keep going back for more. I look at it like its a drug you get one taste and keep going back for more. Some might beg to differ with me but that is how I felt. You say your circle of friends is very close, Are you ready to maybe have to deal with some negative attention from the if they ever find out about your affair with your OM? You asked should you just stay away from him! Do you want too? I quite my affair COLD TURKEY one day. I just thought in order to remain sane I need to do this for me and only me. If I would have let it, It would have went of forever but I just realized it was causing to much stress and misery for both parties and it wasn't worth it anylonger so I stopped one day almost 5 months ago. I suprise my self that I haven't cotacted him, Believe me I have wanted to on days but then I come here and read then I know in my heart what I did was right FOR ME...

Good luck to you and remember in the end you are the only one who can decide weather you want it or not.

Soul
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 2:09pm
Well, Anna,

Even an emotional affair is still an affair. You might find more support on the My Affair Support board since your affair is still ongoing and you have high hopes for one day having an open relationship with your OM.

Best I can really say is to let us know when you wish to end your affair and we can help support you through that.

If you are both free or separated, why can't you tell anyone or speak to mutual friends?

Wishing you strength & peace,

Posie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 2:24pm
Hi Anna

Sounds like a true love affair, This board is for ending the affair support but welcome anyway, You have alot to sort thru and so does he, If someday you end up together thats great but right now All I can tell you is becareful and most of all dont get caught there are other peoples feelings at stake. The only good thing I see is you are already headed in the right direction as far as your divorce, maybe you can wait until the divorce is final till you make certain decisions towards him. As for tonight think rationally about your decision to see him, only you can make that decision to see him or not.

Good Luck in your decision and let me know what happens.... :)

Take Care

Ladybug

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 2:55pm
Thank you to those who wrote me.

Our affair is over. We really do believe that we belong together but the timing is wrong. So my struggle is to live each day without him........yes I did see him last night - but come Nov.3 he will be gone for 3 to 4 weeks. I will be stronger then - Even if this is a true love affair that ends up with a happy ending - that happy ending can not even be thought about for another year and then again we know that the future is unclear - who knows what can happen - so, I have to live each day and do whats right for right now - and its so hard.

Thanks so much!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 6:28pm

Please see my post on your original thread. I was busy today and couldn't post until now


cl-nre

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 6:56pm
Thank you - I know that we are all crushed........ I am still at that stage when I wait for my one phone call....... I feel foolish.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2003
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 7:09pm
Anna,

Its still fresh so you will wait for the phone to ring for a while. One day you will realize to your self that you don't need to wait around for the call that never comes and be so over him. It does get better...ONE DAY AT A TIME!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Fri, 10-29-2004 - 3:41pm
Thanks - Its funny - even after my last post this morning under the Married OM/OW section - I am not feeling crushed - just a bit confused as to why my OM and I are doing this to eachother - I spent the night with him.

We do want to be together - but we have to stop. I have not cried since Sunday night. I have to believe that nothing will change for me until I change my life, and work on myself. I have to rethink - I have to regroup.

I screwed up mysouliscrushed......last night. But I each time I do see him or talk to him - I see his emotion for me and I see he is struggling.

But if I stay with him whenever he needs to see my face - I am showing him that I am not strong - that I will lower myself just to have contact - and I am also saying to him that I am not that serious about us both being free, to be together in a real relationship........

I am numb - I can only imagine what my H would feel if he found out. My heartache at least knows that I am deeply cared for by my OM and that his quilt is a quality of a moral person who fell off track......my H would have no reason to feel loved.

I cant wait for my therapy session on Tuesday.