I thought I would recieve support
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| Thu, 10-28-2004 - 1:41pm |
I have so much more to tell and I have such a long way to go - we broke the NC after 7 days - He called and I went to "our house" - We missed eachother and the love that was coming from his face made me secretly happy and at the same time because he is the one that feels most guilty - I felt stronger, like I knew that I was going to get over this and I was not going to think about a future with him until after we got divorces - and even then, there was no guarenty. I stayed the night, but all we did was hold eachother - spoon.....he wispered that he missed me and we went to sleep. No Kisses, just held eachother - and this morning, I got up- got ready for work, he woke up, we had a cigarette, and we gave eachother a long hug (once again we refrained from kissing)and we wished eachother a good day. We know that we had to or are trying to end the affair - should I just stay away??? We are married to other people - but even if we have not ever said the words I love you - we do. We both are torn. Our Circle of friends is so close, even if I or he files for divorce by the end of the year, we all will still see eachother during the Holidays - its not possible to have NC - but alone together time...that is what we are struggling with. I know he is going to call me today - in his half sleep he wispered that he would like to see me tomorrow(today!!) earlier than I had seen him last night. Are we just hurting ourselves - we both want to be together so badly but we know its wrong - we could have so easily made love - but we knew that we could not. What do I do about tonight!!
Thanks -

Good luck to you and remember in the end you are the only one who can decide weather you want it or not.
Soul
Even an emotional affair is still an affair. You might find more support on the My Affair Support board since your affair is still ongoing and you have high hopes for one day having an open relationship with your OM.
Best I can really say is to let us know when you wish to end your affair and we can help support you through that.
If you are both free or separated, why can't you tell anyone or speak to mutual friends?
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie
Sounds like a true love affair, This board is for ending the affair support but welcome anyway, You have alot to sort thru and so does he, If someday you end up together thats great but right now All I can tell you is becareful and most of all dont get caught there are other peoples feelings at stake. The only good thing I see is you are already headed in the right direction as far as your divorce, maybe you can wait until the divorce is final till you make certain decisions towards him. As for tonight think rationally about your decision to see him, only you can make that decision to see him or not.
Good Luck in your decision and let me know what happens.... :)
Take Care
Ladybug
Our affair is over. We really do believe that we belong together but the timing is wrong. So my struggle is to live each day without him........yes I did see him last night - but come Nov.3 he will be gone for 3 to 4 weeks. I will be stronger then - Even if this is a true love affair that ends up with a happy ending - that happy ending can not even be thought about for another year and then again we know that the future is unclear - who knows what can happen - so, I have to live each day and do whats right for right now - and its so hard.
Thanks so much!!
Please see my post on your original thread. I was busy today and couldn't post until now
cl-nre
Its still fresh so you will wait for the phone to ring for a while. One day you will realize to your self that you don't need to wait around for the call that never comes and be so over him. It does get better...ONE DAY AT A TIME!
We do want to be together - but we have to stop. I have not cried since Sunday night. I have to believe that nothing will change for me until I change my life, and work on myself. I have to rethink - I have to regroup.
I screwed up mysouliscrushed......last night. But I each time I do see him or talk to him - I see his emotion for me and I see he is struggling.
But if I stay with him whenever he needs to see my face - I am showing him that I am not strong - that I will lower myself just to have contact - and I am also saying to him that I am not that serious about us both being free, to be together in a real relationship........
I am numb - I can only imagine what my H would feel if he found out. My heartache at least knows that I am deeply cared for by my OM and that his quilt is a quality of a moral person who fell off track......my H would have no reason to feel loved.
I cant wait for my therapy session on Tuesday.