I told him I can't do this anymore......

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2004
I told him I can't do this anymore......
17
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 8:29pm
I got the nerve to tell him that I couldnt go on like this anymore. I think he knew something was up. The last time we were together he kept saying "Something is wrong." He told me that he wouldnt accept that this would be the last time we spoke together and that we would need to see each other again. He went on to say something else and I just hung up the phone. I know he expected me to call him back, but I didnt. He won't call me from his cell phone.... he signals me and has me call him back with my number blocked. This has always annoyed me .... it is a company phone and he is the owner of the company. Who is going to question who he is calling! Anyhow..... I feel sad, relieved, and alone. I know I need to do this for me. He has made it clear he wont leave W again. I told him she is his reality and I am his fantasy. I need to be strong and not weaken. I love him, but know that I need to do this for me. I made it when I got divorced and my ex did everything to hurt me both emotionally and financially. Any help or suggestions would be appreciated. I know I am still numb ...... and I know temptation comes when you are at your weakest point. The logical part of me says "you go girl!" But my heart aches......................

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 10:28pm
He continued to call today. He left msgs on my cell, at home, and at work. He kept saying he can't believe I would let it end like this. He kept apologizing for making me mad. I am not mad.... just sad. My friend told me I should call him and tell him it is over and to leave me alone. I ended up calling and telling him to listen and not talk. I told him that I needed to move on. That we both needed to do the right thing.... to live a life of Christ. He told me that he loves me and respects my wishes. He was going out of town. I just hope he does respect my wishes and doesnt start calling again when he gets back. I told him the only way I can move on is with him completely out of my life. I have been working out and doing things with friends. I live out west! Far from PA.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 7:24am
Well, hopefully he will abide by your wishes long enough for you to get over him. I am sure he has not gone away for good though. The only way to completely get rid of him is to block him from e-mail, and change your numbers. This way he will know how serious you are.

Working out and hanging with friends has been a good stress reliever for me too. I have learned to do things for myself and not feel guilty about it. Believe it or not this was a hard thing for me to do. Like today for example, I've taken the day off, the kids have gone to school and I am getting a manicure, pedicure, massage. No cleaning, no work. Just veg. and relax. I owe it to myself. Therapy!! I hope you continue to do things for yourself too. My friend journals a lot, this helps her. Another practices meditation and swears by it.

Hang in there! You're a strong lady! You have a healthy attitude...

~Love

Love
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 10:35am
Sweet,

i hope that he doesn't call and does respect your wishes, but a reminder here, harsh as it is. He has not displayed any respect to you in the past. He did not respect his wife or you wouldn't be in this situation. So, as for respect, I'd say he doesn't do that. Know what I mean? Basically, don't be surprised if he does call you. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but in the future. You can close all doors, but until he closes his doors, he really hasn't left it go. You have to be the strong one here and stay out of this muddy mess.

You have support, and I'm not trying to discourage you, just giving you a heads up so to speak. Men like this just don't stop.

JLT.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 4:12pm
Gosh I feel like we could be living the same life. I to fell inlove with a MM and he with me. He tried to tell his wife and she reacted by telling him that if he leaves she will kill herself. I see by your posts that you've been successfull in having NC with him, I unfortunately haven't been that lucky. The only difference between our stories is that he swears that we're going to be together someday, when he can't tell me but he has never told me that he can't or won't leave her. Your progress has given me hope for myself, I know it's only a matter of time before I just simply had enough.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 5:00pm
Sorry this is so long....PLEASE READ!!!


I have read all of your entries today and I feel like you and I are in the exact same affair. I have been involved with a married man for a year and a half and it has been the most exciting but most terrible year of my life. I had just got a divorce from my high school sweetheart of 10 years. So I was low. The MM I ma involved with is actually one our friends. Not a real close friend but a friend. We were involved for about 3 months before we started telling each other we loved each other. I mean I would have NEVER thought it but we were perfect for each other. Same personalities...same dilikes and likes. Only thing he was married with two small kids!!! Well he has told me all the crap that he is leaving her for me and has even gone as far as to move out and get an apartment. Well his wife found out about us....threatened to kill herself and tried!! Crazy witch!!! But through all of that we stilled stayed together. He would come over every night and spend the night. Take me out on weekends....but he would still go out with his family..including the wife!! Well this continued and I told him if he did not get divorced from her I was going to be out of the picture. Well he said he gave her papers and she of course went nuts. She told him that she had evidence and pictures of us and if he divorced her she would take her business and everything he had. So what did he do...he went back home claiming that he was going home for a month for the forgive and forget action that you can do when getting divorced. Stay a month wife forgives you...can't use evidence anymore. Well when he moved back home I told him was over...never call me again!! Which I did not want him to at all!! We did not talk for almost a month and he calls me again telling me that I am all he wants that he can' live without me. So I went back to him. We were OK for a little while then we stopped talking again. Then he would call me up agian...saying he loved me!! This last time we got back togther he told me he was in counseling session that were needed in order to get a divorce. Well I thought to myself this is it...he is going to be with me!! Well he started his same crap and I have not talked to him in a week. This has been a terrible thing for me....I love this man and can see me being with him...but I can not understand for the life of me why I am putting myself through all of this!! His lies that he will leave....that he wants to marry me....that he wants me to have a child with him......that he has never been in love before????? If that were all true then he would be with me. I think the same goes for you...after a year and half if this man loved you more than anything and wanted to be with you why is he not with you. Who cares about what kind of promise he made to his wife. It is not working out and he is says he is love with you. This is exactly what my MM says to me. He even has been writing me texted messages saying that even if I did not love him anymore he would love me forever. Well how can you love someone forever that you don't even get to see or better yet you are still at home with your wife that you can not leave for this LOVE you have for me!! Sorry I sound so bitter but I am!! I am trying so hard to get over this guy and he keeps coming back...but the sad thing is I let him because I think that I love him.

It sounds like you are not married...I did not read that you were!! So let me ask you something!!! If we are single....there are millions of men out there that are not married...have no children....no X wife....Why are we choosing to be with these married men?? The torment out life will be....crazy x wife....we would become step parents...the kids will recent us....and for me I will be known as the homewrecker of the town. I have lost a lot of friends and stood in the shadows for this man...while he has had plenty of time to settle things with his family. What have they done for us besides makes us these hopeless women that think that they will be with us one day!!

Let me know your thoughts and situation. I really really need to talk to someone before I go crazy over this guy!! This is totally not my style to fall for someone this hard...but it happens and I just wonder if it is because I have just come out of a divorce where my husband cheated on me....or am I afraid of commiting to someone and that is why I have this love for the MM...because I know he will never be with me...no matter what he says!!


Jesse

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 8:12pm
Jesse,

I sent you an email but am not sure if you will get it through using this system. Anyway reading your post has left me feeling like I am not the only one out there going through this, thank you. I cry myself to sleep it seems like every night, wanting to follow my head but knowing that my heart will somehow prevail. I'd like to talk to you more, if it's not to much could you email me directly at debbie8109@aol.com.

Thanks again.

Debbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2004
Sun, 03-14-2004 - 12:37am
Perhaps we fell for these MM because we were hurt and experiencing low times in our lives. I do believe that they (MM) can and perhaps do love us and also their wives. We provide a "fantasy" and their wives are the "reality." Our relationship with them is without the hum drum of the daily rituals of life. I know I must move on ..... I want to be a reality to someone ...not just the fantasy! Breaking up with anyone is hard to do. I know as time passes it will get easier. My MM did teach me to love again and for that I am thankful. Perhaps we need to remember the good things about the relationship and also learn from it. We do deserve better than being second fiddle. Good luck in moving on ....just know that you deserve A WHOLE MAN ...not just PART OF HIM!

Pages