I told the W too...SO?
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| Mon, 01-24-2005 - 2:11pm |
I am an old poster from a while back and have been lurking for a few days hoping to find an old friend.No such luck.While i have been lurking i have been reading the posts on "calling the w".I too told her several months into my A and do not regret it in the least!I was not the first he cheated with and i'm pretty damn certain i won't be the last.After ending things with him and practically being stalked by this man i knew i had to do something.She KNEW in her heart he was cheating as she would always call my home and hang up when he was there,drive by my house several times a day,follow me when she saw me in town.etc...The day she cornered me in one of our local stores and BEGGED me to tell her the truth,i poured it all out.She also told me that day that i was NOT the only one she suspected of cheating with her H,i was just the only one who lived close enough that she could follow around.I told her he would not leave me alone as i had asked him to do over a month earlier,he was calling me non stop,showing up at my job,my home,leaving roses on my car almost everyday,bugging my friends.I told her everything,and i also cried and told her how sorry i was for ever getting into the A with her H.
Was she hurt? Did she cry and call me every name in the book??....yes she did,and i deserved it all!!But in the end,before she walked away,she said something that makes me have NO REGRETS about telling her.She said" i feel like i have been going crazy with no end in sight.deep in my heart i knew he was cheating but i had no proof as he claimed you were only friends.It's like being inside a bubble with no way out,you feel like you have lost every bit of normalcy you ever knew and all you want to do is die"..
So no,i don't regret telling her,OR the hurt i handed her that day.For 9 long months i was a liar,a cheater,the lowest i ever sank was when i was cheating with him.But the day i told her the truth i let it all go and started my life over again.

Your situation is different. She cornered you and asked you directly. In that case, I too would have told her. But to call and hang up, no, that wasn't the right thing to do..that was a cowardly thing to do and it was done with vengance in mind
So sayeth the holier than thou
No, it's not a holier than thou attitude. Not even close, so don't go there.
Back during one of my attempts of breaking it off with XMM, I was very, VERY angry about something. We were to later be at the same place with a bunch of friends, and he didn't have his car, he brought his wifes car instead. When I asked why, he said "because you were so mad, I wasn't sure what you would do". I said you have the wrong woman, because I will NEVER cause you or your family or your property any harm, no matter how mad I am.
What the other poster did was SOLEY out of anger and frustration, and although I can relate to those emotions all too well, never would I sink to the level of telling his wife! It's WRONG, no matter how you chose to justify it. What YOU did wasn't out of anger, it was disclosed to his wife who was begging you for answers. Like I said, in that case, you did the right thing. I have no idea why you are sticking up for jilted women who thinks their only remedy is to ruin his marriage.