I tried, but I just can't do it.
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| Wed, 02-02-2005 - 3:31pm |
I wanted so badly to have NC with him. I just cannot. I was so proud of myself. I went an entire day and up until the next morning without talking/emailing/text messaging him. Then he called me crying and telling me how much he loves me and I am right back 100% into it again. I want to stop. I am so tired of hurting all the time and crying myself to sleep, when I am able to sleep that is. But I just cannot not talk to or see him.
Oh, yah, I know I said I wouldn't come back on here, but I just can't stay away from here either! Does that mean that you are going to hurt me like he does????? Just kidding. I just feel a lot of comfort when I am on here and reading what everyone is going through and I soak up the advice and support like a sponge. I really need you guys!!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!
Kelly

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Lov
The point I was trying to make is we need to look at ourselves for the answers to the problems in our lives not at other people, it may be your marriage will not work I can't say but I can say that if you fix the issues that allowed you to choose to cheat rather then divorce seperate or what have you then in the future in a new relationship when you go through the hard times that happen to all marriages you will not repeat the cheating and will choose better ways of dealing with the problems, ways that will make you feel better about yourself.
It is not just about ending the affair it's also about ending up at a better place on the inside.
Free
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Yup. And how exactly are you intending to be able to come to any kind of decision when you're inviting a third party into your home every hour of every day? A third party your husband doesn't even know he's in competition with...
What was it your therapist said about your having made your husband a "schmuck" again? I can only imagine that it would be hard to find respect for someone you're busy disrespecting.
Strength & peace,
Posie
"What was it your therapist said about your having made your husband a "schmuck" again?"
My T didn't say I was making a schmuck out of my H because I am having an A. She said I'd be making a schmuck out of him if I was NOT telling H what my needs are and NOT giving him a chance to be able to try to change/meet them. H and I are in very deep communications these days about what our needs are. I have some now that he is not able to meet. Additionally, I amworking very hard on coming to terms with my screen memories (psychological term) and my T believes that having the dynamic of my MM in my life right now is helping me overcome the fear of facing some very scary issues. Looking inside oneself and facing the truth is a scary process, but I am doing it.
Get your facts straight posiepops, otherwise your posts read as if you are flinging around your own obsessive/compulsive moral judgements for your own personal gratification.
Additionally, my T doesn't discourage EMAs, she only encourages each individual to find the path that is right for them, that will make their lives more fulfilling. She doesn't have her own moral code or personal agenda involved in my decisions or life.
Edited 2/4/2005 12:42 pm ET ET by lovesec
Hiya Loves,
My facts are straight, Loves, at least insofar as you've posted them.
Today you say:-
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Yet on 9th December you posted:-
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Perhaps you simply misremembered?
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Yet on 9th Dec:-
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Perhaps you've changed therapists?
Loves, if something posted irks you, work out WHY that is. I learned a long time ago that the posts that nipped me hardest were the ones I most needed to examine. Try not to focus on why they *aren't* true, instead find out what truth in them is pinching that nerve.
Strength & peace,
Posie
my T and i have had many conversations about this "schmuck" business long since that was posted, and we've come to conclusions about where i am at in my M and emotionally.
she actually suggested that psoting on these boards is not healthy for me because there is so much information about my own personal dynamic and life that icannot possibly paint here clearly. it is the rash judgements and opinions based on partial knowledge of me that end up making things even more difficult. i should have followed her advice.
Hiya Loves,
You have been at all times & remain the Captain of your very own ship. Sometimes it's simply easier not to remember that.
It's my hope that one day you might find the strength & courage to seize the helm and chart a course rather than bobbing about aimlessly. The ocean can be as cold & brutal or as warm & tranquil as we *choose* to make it.
Happy sailing.
Strength & peace,
Posie
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What rash judgements and opinions, Loves? I read through this entire thread and I found nothing but invaluable insights, postulations and advice that would cause any therapist heart palipitations once they learned it was given "FREELY" ---IOW, "No charge"
Edited to add this afterthought: What advice could possibly be more valuable than that given through experience?
Edited 2/4/2005 2:30 pm ET ET by id_diosyncrity
I am not "bobbing around aimlessly," as you put it. On the contrary, I've been on the straight and narrow path of brutal self-examination, working through a very difficult, confusing time in my life. I have not strayed off that path once.
I find your general tone to be smug, often condescending, bordering on hostile. If your A is so happily over, and your M is such a success, I'nm confused as to your true motive for why you spend so much time on these boards pontificating as if your way is the only way. That question comes directly from my T, not me. I don't plan on relaying any answers to her so don't bother answering (although i'm sure you will because you can't resist throwing your self-righteous opinions around).
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