I tried, but I just can't do it.
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| Wed, 02-02-2005 - 3:31pm |
I wanted so badly to have NC with him. I just cannot. I was so proud of myself. I went an entire day and up until the next morning without talking/emailing/text messaging him. Then he called me crying and telling me how much he loves me and I am right back 100% into it again. I want to stop. I am so tired of hurting all the time and crying myself to sleep, when I am able to sleep that is. But I just cannot not talk to or see him.
Oh, yah, I know I said I wouldn't come back on here, but I just can't stay away from here either! Does that mean that you are going to hurt me like he does????? Just kidding. I just feel a lot of comfort when I am on here and reading what everyone is going through and I soak up the advice and support like a sponge. I really need you guys!!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!
Kelly

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Hiya Loves,
To look at my posts as anything but angry spewing would mean that you maybe should give it some consideration. So, you dismiss it as nothing more than anger because you don't want to face it. Maybe you are emotionally confused. Try not to confuse anger with fervor and/or directness.
Your therapist is welcome to email me via my profile though my motives for posting here are hardly secret since they've been posted here at once a month in the last six months so any half-hearted search would reveal them.
You *need* me to be wrong, Loves. Now work out *why* that is rather than avoiding it by focusing on my general tone or posting style.
If you need to ignore me, my feelings aren't going to be hurt. If you need to get p1ssed at me, I can take it. If you'd rather get p1ssed at me off the boards, then email me via profile.
Strength & peace,
Posie
"To look at my posts as anything but angry spewing would mean that you maybe should give it some consideration. So, you dismiss it as nothing more than anger because you don't want to face it. Maybe you are emotionally confused. Try not to confuse anger with fervor and/or directness."
If you read what I posted accurately, you'd see that I never once said you were angry or sounded angry. I said the tone of your posts sounded self-righteous, smug, condescending and bordering on hostile.
And no matter what the topic of discussion is, I've always been sensitive to the tones people take with me and others. That's just my personality. But there is no way you could know that about me because you really do not know me.
I don't need you to be wrong. You are putting words in my mouth and assuming things about me that are just not true.
But I have always reacted and probably will always react defensivley when I find someone's tone (especially about a sensitive topic) to be smug. And this subject is so very deep and painful and sensitive, I cannot accept posts that take the compassionless "tough love"- "my way or the highway" approach. That type of tone has always gone over poorly and ineffectively with me and always will. That;s just my MO, and I see your MO, and there is a clash. So your advice will probably never soak in because I don't like your approach, and I know why because I have examined myself. But you do not know me and I am too exhausted to try to bother explaining any further to you. I have no interest in you "hearing" or "knowing" me.
I'm now putting you on my ignore list.
I wish peace and blessings to you.
"To look at my posts as anything but angry spewing would mean that you maybe should give it some consideration. So, you dismiss it as nothing more than anger because you don't want to face it. Maybe you are emotionally confused. Try not to confuse anger with fervor and/or directness."
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Semantics but ok, I'll rephrase:-
To look at my posts as anything but self-righteous, smug, condescending & bordering on hostile would mean that you maybe should give it some consideration. So you dismiss it as nothing more than self-righteous, smug, condescending & bordering on hostile because you dont' want to face it. Maybe you are emotionally confused. Try not to confuse self-righteousness, smugness, condescention and borderline hostility with fervor and/or directness.
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Except you've never asked me my MO. Apparently your therapist is curious, but you didn't want the answer hence I didn't trouble you with it.
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Batting away everything that isn't sugar-coated is going to make life in the real world immensely difficult.
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This is probably wise. From personal experience, blunt truths have devestating effects on delicate affair bubbles.
Strength & peace,
Posie
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