I tripped up, fell off the wagon
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| Wed, 12-29-2010 - 3:00am |
and I'm trying to get back on the wagon. He called, and this time I picked up. :smileysad: I am very ashamed and mad at myself.
We chatted for a bit and with all the words he uses -- he is incredibly talkative -- he said nothing. Nothing that mattered. He had nothing to say when it comes to me or how he completely infiltrated my life and then F'd up my life and then just conveniently left it when W was back in the picture. Oh, but on the phone tonight he talked about W and child in this conversation of course (after not talking to me for several weeks) like it was nothing and like I was a co worker or something. This is what I am pining after and for these little crumbs like a begger in the street? I am so fn pissed I can't evenn tell you! It was such an empty conversation that meant nothing that now I feel like throwing up.

Dear Sunshine~
I feel your desperation in your post and I TOTALLY relate!
We KNOW what is BAD for us, but we are drawn like a moth to the flame right?
God helps those who help themselves. Hoping is futile. You need to take action, which of course means no more contact. Guess you are back to day 1 of NC. Make it stick this time if you want to start seeing results on your healing meter.
Get your butt up off the ground, dust yourself off, and get back on the horse.
Sunshine, Iddy is right. You can hope all day and night long but until you get your mind to the point of understanding that you have to take