I want to call - kick me so I dont!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
I want to call - kick me so I dont!!!!
8
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 12:43pm

God help me - I want to call him

When he was in my house this Saturday I told him that things would be ok and that he could just forget everything.
Then I said that it meant nothing (the A) and he said that, "that's not true".
He looked at me a few times before my H and xMM and friend left.....kinda sad and blank stare.
I regret saying it.
I feel that he thinks I dont care and have moved on - I have done my best to appear so the last few times we have been around eachother and when he called last week.
Maybe he thinks that he will try again with his W because I dont care anymore.

Could my behaviour backfired.
Or am I being stupid again and not realizing that he wants to be married to "her" now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 1:03pm

Anna,

You need to stop obsessing so much about some thing that happend and MOVE on. You are focusing way way too much. You will not get over this until you choose to get over it.
He is notdoing anything to contact you so let him go on with his life. I just see you dwelling on what was and not what your life can be. Its over you need to accept it like you said you have. I'm sorry for sounding so harsh but you said kick you and instead I will yell at you..........NO NO NO NO.....Don't call him. Go get busy with some work or something that will take your mine off of him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 2:54pm

I'm not that interested in OM. What's going on with your husband? How is he doing? What has he been up to?

Skip

skippxt

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 3:04pm
Call I think you would feel much better let it all out/..
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2004
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 3:11pm

Anna, you are on the Ending board. Do you want to end it or not? Why are you worried that he might think you don't care? He SHOULD think you don't care. You don't, right?

Don't call. Call someone else instead. That always helps me. Call one of those people who can talk and talk and talk so you can listen to someone else and try to take your mind off this stuff.

Breathe

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 3:33pm

To Skip:
my H is doing well, we are very good friends. But that is it. We have started to write down all the things we need to decide to split up once we file in March.
He has wanted to be free as well as I for a long time - but it was easier to do nothing.

Did not CALL!!

Breathe:
Did not want to end it - but we both did not want an A. We wanted a real relationship but being in a close group of friends, this was not easy nor possible while we were both married.

I care about the fact that I was cruel - I was angry for the thought of him wanting to work out his marriage.
But: I over analyze things.

my H just called a bit ago - said xMM called him and wanted to have a gathering this Saturday - at our house. I said that is fine but that I have other plans and that I would not be entertaining.
GUESS WHO CALLED>
both his W and xMM - I dont have caller ID on my work phone.

W said that she was not coming because last night she and xMM fought again - and she made things up about them to me because she is envious of my friendship with my H and how we get along regardless of our marriage ending.
I asked her to please take some time and not contact me for awhile - that I did not want to think about any relationships or problems for a few weeks. She cried and I said I had to go back to work.

xMM called a little later:
I said please make this stop.
I am obsessing and I want to get over it - I cant let you go if you are still poping up - and I cant deal with you wanting to work on your marriage and still be your friend.
He said "please I am so confused" and I said figure it out and when you have filed, get my NY number from my mom and I will talk to you.
He cried and kept saying please please please dont leave.
I said goodbye and I loved you.

I guess I feel sad that I go back and forth on what I want - yet I expect that others should just know.
I am not thinking rationally.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 4:09pm

Oops, so technically you are single. Sorry, thought you still had a husband you loved. As far as this MM goes, he seems like a thorn in your side to me. If you looked at all the emotions he stirs in you, then it's pretty clear that frustration is in the top three. Reason can be a slave to passion, but frustration is, well, frustration. It's bad for your health, ages you, and adds nothing to the meaning of your life. Move onto a single guy who can't stop thinking about you and can devote himself completely to you.

Skip

skippxt

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2004
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 9:50pm

Skip,

<>

Oh how right you are. My A was causing me such extreme anxiety and depression at times, I thought I would totally lose it. I take care of myself the same as I always have but I have never been so physically sick and unable to concentrate as I was while being in the A.
One thing that I have come to realize is that the hurt and anger I had for XOM was actually totally self inflicted. It feels SO wonderful to be in a place where I feel at peace, for the first time in a long time I can actually smell the fresh air and enjoy being on vacation with my family. My relationship with my H is so much better, I'm even nicer to him now for some reason (maybe because I'm happier now).

Anna, don't you want to smell the fresh air again, go to a movie or a ball game with a friend and "really get into it", go away on vacation and actually NOT want to come back (because you miss someone else), what about a really good nights sleep, how does that sound? Life is good, but only if you allow it to be.

CG

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2004
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 11:14pm

Cowgirl -- your post is the best one I've ever read on this board (and that includes mine).