I want to end A - What do I say???
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I want to end A - What do I say???
| Sat, 06-05-2004 - 7:13am |
Help! I've been involved with MM for about 18 months & have had a great time with him but..... I just cannot continue to ride the rollercoaster. Especially since MM has told me, somewhat reluctantly that W is 4 months pregnant (they also have 2 other children). I morally cannot go on with the charade. This crosses a line for me & won't continue the R any longer. I have tried to tell him gently that we shouldn't see each other but he will not accept it. I guess I haven't been too convincing up until now because I haven't wanted to stop seeing him. He is my sunshine. We say that we love each other & I believe in my heart that's true but it's one of those wrong place/wrong time moments that I need to walk away from.
I am seeing him on Monday & am going to write down what I want to say & hand it to him in a letter. This is the only way that I'll be able to say everything I feel.
This is where I need help.... what do I say??? How do I say goodbye?? I certainly want to walk away as friends but I never want to see or talk to him again because I want off this ride for good. I believe he should be home being the fantastic H/dad that I know he'd be. Does anyone understand that? I need to give this man back to his wife completely - the ultimate sacrifice.... ouch.
Please help & my thoughts are with you all.
Little K

First of all, I applaud your move. Feels like you are in a very clear space and you can see how ending this affair will give you back your peace of mind.
The key to ending this affair is to be consistent with your choice. You need to give him the same message a few times until he gets it. You will succeed by repeating the message. It might take a while, a week or two but if you are consistent, he will get it.
Simply tell him again: "I don't want to take you away from her"
What you need right now is extra power and determintaion to express it again. Stay focused and go for it. It feels truly teh right moove.
Good luck and stay in touch
vitalcoach
I stumbled on this site quite by accident & honestly couldn't believe my luck that I can anonymously talk openly to people on the other side of the world & get honest & open opinions/answers to my "curly" questions. I write from Australia & now realise that A are the same worldwide. There is nothing special about mine, contrary to my naive thoughts & that has been a real eye-opener & helped me to reach my conclusion. Having 2 beautiful children of my own conceived only through the advanced technology of IVF (& recently going through a very amicable D) I know how important a H is before, during & after pregnancy. It is a privilege to be able to carry a child & one to be honoured by all women. I make no bones that if W wasn't preganant I could absolutely carry on our A but this changes EVERYTHING in my mind.
I'm not proud of the A but I'm proud that I can see clearly now the rain has gone... It will hurt & am dreading the meeting instead of counting the minutes to when we meet. Poor fella doesn't know what's coming at him. He'll cope as he has a loving home to return to & unbeknowns to W, she will support him through this, I, however will suffer in silence. That's the choice I made when I spied him across the room 18 months ago & to coin a phrase "to every action there is a reaction!" & this is it!! I believe we'll all be happier in time.
Bless you all.
Little K
Let us know how it goes. Stay strong! :)
MM was fabulous. I wrote it all in a letter & sat with him while he read it. MM said he was sad but was fully expecting this from me, he knew I was struggling with W's pregnancy. I asked him not to contact me for anything.... a friendship is out of the question. MM agreed. I walked away & didn't look back but I know he watched me. Ouch!
Now comes the hard part I guess. Recovery. I'm looking forward to being myself & living without waiting for what seems eternity for phonecalls to make my day. I'll make my own days from herein with my children.
Just hope he never calls - I can't ever hear his voice again.
Why did I ever get involved?????
tb
Wishing you peace & love,
K.