I want to go home and cry about my life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I want to go home and cry about my life.
1
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 9:04am
The last time I posted I was really motivated to get a therapist, a new job, a new life. With school and work I havent gone to a therapist and the job search is moving along very very slowly. MM works with me and has been telling me that now all he does is drink (a lot) because of me and that he just needs me in his life. I've tried to be friends with him but we always do more. He told his wife a couple months ago and I feel like such an idiot when she calls and I happen to answer the phone. He told his father about me (his father is the owner of my company). His dad and I used to have a great relationship but now I can tell he thinks I'm scum and he doesnt even really talk to me anymore. MM told his dad that he's in love with me and his dad says it's bull, he only thinks he loves me because I am young and it's a phase. I'm sure his dad wants me out of his company and I'm afraid he'll even fire me. My life is horrible, I don't know how I got here!! I can't stop thinking about all the times I had with him. We used to do everything together, work together then after work go to dinner, movies, shopping, everything. When he "ended" it a couple months ago, all I did was go out with my friends and try to drink myself into not thinking about him. I have gotten back with my X-boyfriend because I really needed someone to hang out with constantly, I guess that makes me a user. ex-boyfriend is a really good guy and I can't believe I'm just using him for the company.

I don't really have a question for anyone I guess I'm just letting things out. I'm so tired of my life. The only time I feel relaxed and happy is when I'm with MM. All the other times with my friends, family, boyfriend I just pretend. My friend told me the other day that I'm the happiest person she knows and I always have a good time. God, if she only knew! I'm just really sad today. I'm at work and I can see him and hear him and I just feel silly because I want to be strong but I want to cry and want to go home so bad. I can't even do my job like I used to. I wish I could not care. I feel selfish dwelling on my problems when there are so many things around the world that I should be praying and caring about but this whole relationship consumes me.

I apologize this is so long, thanks for reading.
Avatar for guardedticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 9:26am
I'm sorry for your struggle. I guess my question to you is what you want to do about it? I really believe with what you posted that a new job is the best thing that could happen to you. As for the MM, can you stop long enough and think about what he is REALLY doing????...both to himself and to you. This guy tells you he is drinking alot because of you? Are you there with him holding the drink up to his mouth? Do you see where I'm going with this?? He is acting like an irresponsile child! He is coming across as very needy and playing on your sympathy...bottomline is that affairs hurt people. Do you think the way his father is treating you is because he now all of a sudden dislikes you? I'm sure he is hurt by the knowledge that his son is doing this...I'm sure he is upset with you as well because most people have boundaries they will not cross for any reason and you have crossed one. So for him to look at you differently is par for the course. Just because he loves his son, certainly doesn't mean he understands or has to approve of his behavior, especially when it is wrong!

If I were you, I would update my resume and let the MM know that for everyone's sake you are going to look for another job, but that you would appreciate it if you could keep this one until you locate a new one. Honey, you have to let this be a learning experience for you. It isn't very safe to get your meat where you earn your bread and butter.

JMHO