I wanted to just let this go...
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| Mon, 06-14-2004 - 9:27am |
So, his one stupid text message got me thinking again. Thinking that I OWE him some closure, an explanation for ending the A, etc. Even that I OWE him a birthday card! And I just don't want to even go there! I try to remember that I don't OWE him anything. He's a big boy, the A is over, and I'm committed to rebuilding my marriage. It just frustrates me so much that he sends me these randoms reminders of him and obviously still has enough influence over me to at least get me thinking about him.
I'm not going to respond and I'm not going to send him a birthday card. I guess I just feel...I'm not even sure what. Resentful? Manipulated? I'm in a good emotional place, and I just don't need or want his occasional interruption of my peace of mind. Well, I just wanted to share that with some folks who will understand. It's alot of work to make the decision to end an A and stick with it, and I don't need him trying to dissuade me from doing what I feel is right. Love to you all, Mo.


From your messages you seem to be doing very well in your recovery. It is not expected that your feelings for him can go away "just like that" but as it slips further into the past it becomes easier. I would venture to say that the A is going to be something that will be with you for a long time. But, look at it as a learning experience and something that has allowed you to redevote yourself to your marriage.
I have a few minutes to catch up on the boards before getting ready for work but wanted to respond. Your post made me think of the "other" side of this...of the other person (in my case, exMM) who really wants to end the affair---not out of hate, spite, or selfishness, but what is "right" for them---thanks for that perspective.
As for your situation---you know he's hurting. But you also know its not YOUR place to take care of whatever he is feeling or going through. Of course, its going to get you thinking about him....you are human and did have some feelings for him. Accept that fact and move on....the more you try to deny it and stuff it down, the more it will problematic for you. You know you are on the right path for you.....don't worry about him. I suspect that his upcoming birthday may have had something to do with the text message---kind of trying to put him at the forefront of your mind---but you know if you cave, it will not have good results.
Hope you are doing better today!
dharma