I was all class ... but hurting now )-:

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
I was all class ... but hurting now )-:
9
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 3:48pm

Hello All!

From the bottom of this big old heart of mine, I want to thank each of you, who in your own unique ways - pulled me through today. And like you Dee - I peed a little too reading E1's post. I blame it on my 3, over 9lbs at birth children.

I was impressive - even for me. I looked hot (thank you sun), and I was totally professional. Just kind enough to be appropriate - from one colleague to another, and funny and engaging with others as I would normally be. I didn't have to perform too much. I felt grounded. I could tell he was trying hard too - treading lightly. He asked before we got set to do the first interview - if 'we' needed to prep. And i said that I thought we were good to go and walked out the door. Both interviews we did today were very emotional ... mental health needs of seniors is an emotional topic for seniors to talk about. Usually we would share a smoke, some tears and laughs to shake off the interviews together. Today - I just told him to be well and walked to my car. I turned back to look and he was in the shadows looking totally 'done'.

I did well - but I am hurting a little. The whole situation sucks.

Thanks again for all your support,

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 4:12pm

I

BE the change that you want to see in the world! Life loves me and I love life! <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 5:00pm

TU,


Congrats on a job well done!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 5:51pm

Thank you CsN and NewSeason ...

I agree - it feels like what Jane experienced - a little bottoming out afterwards. The confusion that follows so many emotions that get re-ignited. After just 7 days of NC, I am trying to be really proud of myself for even making it through. It would have been really easy to collapse into his arms. But I also know that that would have just caused even greater pain. I am at the point where I recognize that I am happier without him - and can't think about 'forever' yet - but in the moment to moment, I am okay. Heck, I am better than okay. I am doing what I told him I would do - the consequences of our choices, and in the end his choice to stay. I said I would never go back into an A with him, nor work toward any kind of 'friendship' and that's exactly what I am doing. I am not being unkind to him - in fact going NC with me is the only shot his relationship has to even have a chance - which he can't see right now, but I can. And if that's the choice he has made, I am gonna respect that, even if he can't (yet). I am proceeding from a space of care - for myself, & for his family.

And sometimes, I just think to myself - what would you want for your own daughter? If you had a sister what would she say to you? Would you think this situation was ever good enough for her? What about all the other women (1000+) who you have supported to leave abusive situations, who had far less resources to do so than you - how could you not honor their courage in leaving by loving yourself enough to do so too? I think back to the women who arrived in the night with their kids to shelter - with no family & friends, sometimes couldn't even speak the language, injured and scared, and they got themselves out. Even though they were told they were nothing, they knew deep down inside, that life could be better.

So right now I am snuggled into bed with my favorite snacks and I am going to write to some friends that I have been meaning to - gonna hang-out on this board re-reading posts, and then get to bed early (I hope).

Without doubt, I felt my 'army' of EAS sisters with me today.

Thank you for having my back,

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 6:49pm

TU-

I am so freaking proud of you... you did what you needed to do and got out of there. Wahoo... but I know all too well how it feels after wards... it feels like you've taken a huge step back, but you haven't. You held your head high. You carried yourself with composure. You were a rock star. Just brace yourself for some residual feeling. The few days after I saw xap were brutal. I cried a lot, but guess what, I got over it. And now, 21 days out from seeing him, I am well on my way to recovery again. CSN is so right. This must be normal. We are able to put on brave faces in the situation and then feel like total crap when it's over. That is ok. Just remember not to act on your feelings. Don't reach out to him- get through this on your own so you can feel proud moving forward. I am proud of you. I know this whole community is proud of you. You faced him. You did it. Revel in that for a moment. And then embrace this HUGE hug coming your way.

Hugs,

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2009
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 9:35pm

tu,
i am proud of you too. it must have been hard, but i could see you in my mind's eye, carrying yourself with dignity and grace today. moving through your day with the confidence and conviction of a woman who is doing the RIGHT THING. the residuals, the aftershocks sting, but i am so glad that you kept your power to yourself and did not show weakness to xap. bravo to you.
someone on this board posted something recently---my old brain can't remember where or who---but the gestalt of it jumped up and down in front of me and hasn't stopped since. she said that when the ball is in YOUR court, as is clearly the case in your situation now, that it is a ball of power that you control. i love the imagery of this---like some kind of cosmic energy in compact form that we can keep and harness for ourselves. i'm sure as hell not about to lob that "powerball" back into xap's court to control or influence me----and it sounds like you aren't either. taking back what rightfully belonged to us all along is uplifting indeed. stand tall, tu. you did us proud!

lillie

silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 10:04pm

Man, between you and Sassy today, I am feeling way weepy and way hopeful. Great job today. I am so proud of you!!!! You are AWESOME.

And, if you're going to have more babies, I suggest you make sure you don't have gestational diabetes! 3 9 pounders!?? Same as I! Whoa! and the fn stretch marks to show for it, too!

Lovin you and so glad you have such good news to report!
(how hard do we rock, Board???!!!!)

xo,
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Thu, 04-22-2010 - 12:33am

TU,


Wow…I am super impressed and in awe. You are an incredibly strong and amazing woman. Under stress that would have made most buckle at the knees. To give birth to three nine plus pound babies…my cervix is enfacing with pain just thinking about it. If all you do is wee a lil when you laugh, then count your blessings.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Thu, 04-22-2010 - 9:05am

You did a remarkable job, TU. Proud of you, girl. I think that because of our trashed self esteem after an A ends, we don't think we are capable of pulling off "The great Pretender" act. BUT...inside of us all is this strength we've been

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009
Thu, 04-22-2010 - 9:21am

Great job, TU.
I am in LC too, and understand exactly how it feels. I have a huge box of Kleneex in my car - every day I have to deal with my x (thanks goodness not too often, but still at least twice a week), I'd cry on my way home from work. I'd be so cool and hip around him like I couldn't care less, but then of course when award-winning performance is over, all I can do is to break down and cry.

XOXO
Gone

**Bloodied but unbowed**