I was weak, but was strong

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2014
I was weak, but was strong
4
Mon, 06-02-2014 - 10:56pm

So the mornings seem to be the weakest time for me.  I wanted to text him/call him - anything to make the pain go away.  He did respond and when I said I was going to stop by to see him at his ofc he had excuses being busy, etc.  I was determined to see him and passed his ofc and then said "no"!  I texted him back and said that I understood he was busy and I would stop by another time.  He responded and I was pleasant.  I feel so much better NOT making a complete fool of myself.  having a fwb for 8 years is hard to do - he seems to have it under control, but I am a mess.  He is such a narcissist and never had any real feelings for me.  Less ones learned.  I took everything out of my phone from/to/about him and got rid of his fav dress, etc.  felt good.  I'll be glad when this shit is over....

thanks for reading.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 06-03-2014 - 8:14am

Don't tempt yourself.  If you really want to end this, as others have mentioned, NO CONTACT.  Just erase his phone and email in your address book and block him.

*Sometimes* affairs work, but it is not for the faint of heart. 

What is your morning routine?  Perhaps you could fit a gym class in if that is your weakest moment - to stop you from contacting him, and most people feel rather empowered after a good work out.  And it is good for your body.  Mens sana in corpore sano.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2014
Tue, 06-03-2014 - 9:39am

Thank you for your reply and u r right.  I felt better today - less anxiety - it's like a drug that I am withdrawing from - it's crazy!!  Thanks again.

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Tue, 06-03-2014 - 5:29pm

Good good good.  You exhibited some grace and dignity.  Now build on this.  Move on from here and don't put yourself into the position where you lose that.

You are smart enough to get that you are battling against an addiction....so gear up! You'll have more weak moments so have a plan in place how you will get through them.  Call a friend and ask how SHE is doing to get out of your own head, come here and read through the Healing Library, read on the baggagereclaim site, organize a drawer, play with your child, call your husband....anything to distract you from breaking NC.

Non-professionals need to be mindful about making such a serious diagnosis as narcicssism and then labeling someone with it.  If you read a link on narcissistic behavior, you (we all) could have been labeled one while we were selfishly engaged in an affair.  

Time to focus on you and your issues now....like how you got yourself into this mess in the first place. 

Stay the course and things will begin to smooth out and fall into place.

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2014
Tue, 06-03-2014 - 9:26pm

Thank you for your reply clarity - I remained strong all day....